We talk on the phone and there is nothing else I want as much as to hug her. I can hear her fear, I can feel how tired she is, but I know that she is not giving up, she is going forward. Every day is a battle, every day is a challenge and she never puts her hands down, she keeps on doing what she has to do. She is a fighter, she is a hero.
She was the one who made the most scared child in the world feel safe; she was the one who explained that you would cope with that constant inner search of yours; she was the one who let you think that unconvential path was just fine; she was the one who touched the heart of the one who closed it and did not plan to open it up; she was the one who taught you to take care of someone else and love; she was an example of kindness and generosity; she was the one. She still is and I hope with all of my heart that she will keep on being, that I will manage to change my life on time in order to finally start helping her. She deserves a better life, she deserves a life, because what she has had was a fight, not a life. She deserves so much more and so much better. And hopefully it is coming.
Meanwhile, I am filled with gratitude and admiration. Sometimes it is guilt, because I do not think that dedicating her life to me was a right choice, the reason for that is me finding myself unoworthy of such a sacrifice. She says “you two are my joy and my happiness” and my heart breaks. I am looking forward to finally adding more sources of both joy and happiness for her, because she deserves it, I know. I am one lucky human being and today I cannot stop thinking about her for no other reason than herself.