I Am Not Able To Come To Terms With The Concept Of Death

Let me tell you a story. As a kid, when I had to sleep I started thinking that one day I would fall asleep and never ever wake up. It frightened me, I panicked every time I thought about it. I could not believe that one day, without me being able to affect it, everything would stop and I would not even be able to realize it. Many-many years later I feel the same way, which is scary, because I know I have to come to terms with the concept of death and live my life to the fullest.

Yesterday I was at the cemetery and I kept on looking at graves everywhere around me. My mind was full of “I cannot believe every single person named on these stones used to be alive, used to have feelings and thoughts, used to do things, but not anymore” thoughts. None of them are here anymore. “This is how life is” or “this is a natural flow of things in life”, — you would like to say, right? Yes and yes, but it does not make it any easier to accept it.

When I was younger, I thought the problem was in me being young and not having lived enough, I thought that with age it becomes much easier to accept the death itself, but the more I read, the more I talk to people of different ages, the clearer it becomes that I was wrong. Well, at least, in some cases. There are those who do not think about it at all or they simply accept that this is life and there is nothing you can do about it, so why spoil a day by such thoughts? And then there are others, like me, who feel fear no matter how young or how old they are.

Therefore, I hope to do as much as I can in life and feel and think a lot, as well as read and talk to others, learn and find a way to come to terms with the concept of death. Real fear is to be fearful, and I do not want to have it, even though this is exactly what I tend to be like. I can make my own choices, I can work on my own thoughts, and this is exactly what I want to do — get rid of all sorts of fears and be able to control my mind.

P.S. This post is definitely not something you would expect on Sunday, right?