I start and I cannot stop
I have not published anything on Medium for quite a while, but after publishing one post today, I posted another one and now I want more. I want to write, I want to finally get rid of those thoughts that do not let me calm down and feel better. They are my torture.
Feeling miserable is wrong? It is when you are in Paris and all you have to do is go to school and learn the language, you love, and then pass exams and enter a Master`s program at Sorbonne. Not much, right? But what do you do with yourself, when you feel that: a)I am spending so much money here, I need to find a job and stop taking (or at least, partially) money from my family; b)I am not developing in the field I want to work in, I need to find an internship>job in it and start getting better, or I will never get a proper job; c)I need to write. Write for myself and for others. I need to wrote personal and professional stuff. I need to search for platforms to publish all the time. I need to finally start writing regularly (meaning every single day); d)I am bad at everything: learning the language, looking for and finding a job, writing, being a decent-human being, daughter, graddaughter, friend, girlfriend.
Does not seem that wrong anymore, right? Oh, what do I do with myself? I am so lonely with all of these thoughts. I do not feel like sharing it with someone close, but I do feel like doing it with you. So I thank you for being here. Thank you. And, please, be kinder to yourself. I am trying to master this skill!