
Put your whole heart in it, but don’t put yourself aside
We live and we learn, it’s what they and how much truth is in that. It’s not very easy to talk about your personal experiences, but once I understood that through my example I can help other people improve their lives, I decided that I can ignore the superficial fear of what others might have to comment.
So this is me, bringing to light the way love has changed me, the way it touched my life and how it completely turned it around. Before anything, I have to mention that I’m among the lucky ones because I have by my side an amazing soul that, indirectly, without even acknowledging it, has greatly helped me to change my view on what love is truly all about.
I’ve always thought that to love means to be at your partner’s service 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, basically being a slave out of your own free will. Kind of an oxymoron right here, but it makes sense, right? I chose to be a slave and the funny thing is that nobody asked or, better yet, forced me to be one. This was my mindset and how greatly was my surprise when I figured out that things are not supposed to be like this.
At some point, I acknowledged that this is not what love is all about, or, to put it differently, I figured out that this is not the kind of love that will help me evolve…let’s face it, we need that type of love that can propel us to a whole different and higher level in our lives, right? This would be the ideal scenario, but reality has to hit you in the face several times until you manage to understand its truest meaning.
For me, life cooked some really tasty cakes, frosted with tempting “Make him happy and you’ll be happy!” And I ate all of those cakes, for several years in a row. They were pretty delicious, until one moment when I began to feel sick…completely sick due to all that sugar. I’m not against sweets, don’t get my wrong! I love cakes and chocolate and all the sugary foods out there, but there has to be a limit. And you’re the one to set up the boundary!
It’s wonderful to have life give you a person who would completely deserve all this effort from your side, but stop for a moment and answer this question: what about you? We’re all different and we have different needs and maybe some of you might need this type of relationshiop, where work is required and effort and energy, but again: what about you? If you’re putting in all that effort, all that energy in satisfying your partner, what are you left with?
It’s a pretty logic mechanism: if you are willing to do anything it takes to make your partner happy, for reasons known only by your mind and heart, you will, in some way or another, forget about yourself, about what you need. We all need some time for ourselves, no matter how lovely and perfect our relationship might be.
You may get to hide your needs for a certain amount of time, proudly shouting that his needs are your needs, as well, but, trust me, that at some point, life will show you differently. At least, this is what happened for me. And sooner or later, this is what will happen for you, as well. How long do you think you can contnue hidding from yourself, from what you need?
My story isn’t about judging the one I love because, as I earlier mentioned, he’s a beautiful human being, with an imense heart. My story is about showing that we alone are responsible for everything we do. We make our choices and we choose to act as we act. Saying that we are what we are because of somebody makes no sense at all, but it’s comfortable to find an excuse, rather than admit that we are the root cause.
So I was the one who chose to act like he was the center of my universe and that I wasn’t able to do nothing without him. I was the one who chose to put his needs above my own and the thing is that he never ever asked me to do this. I was basically acting like a victim of love…but not a healthy love, but a chaotic one, which my mind created.
And it was pretty amazing for a while because I was sure that what I was doing was the right thing. This was until I noticed that I wasn’t happy, that I completely forgot about myself. I wasn’t even able to be without him, I became completely addicted to him.
I had to go through some pretty dark and low moments, mentally speaking, because I wasn’t able to find out why I was where I was, why I was doing what I was doing and why I wasn’t happy…in fact, I was doing the right thing: I was making him happy, so that I can be happy, in my turn.
But, maybe I am really lucky, or maybe I just reached a so low level that there was no other direction to go towards to, than up and this is how I started to notice certain things which I really needed to change. I just wanted to be well and the way I was seeing and living love was not helping at all.
That moment when you have a breakthrough, when life is kind enough to show you that you’ve taken the wrong path is truly amazing. I just felt that I was releasing my whole being of such a heavy burden that I was carrying for so many years now. But how did I accomplished this?
Well, the answer is as simple as it can be: when I felt ashamed of how my life was, that I was carrying a too heavy burden on my shoulders, even though I wasn’t supposed to and I knew it very well, I decided to be happy. I decided that I deserved to live a life that could fill me up with joy and balance, even when he was not around.
It was really hard and I had to pull myself back up from the mud hole I ended up in. I’m still doing it because it’s a constant training you need to go through in order to keep those temptations away. In fact, I was a sort of addict, a love addict and as pretty as it may sound, it was not.
So the key is to work with yourself like you would work with somebody else. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend which you’re trying to help. Tell yourself that you can do this, you can love without becoming addicted.
Most certainly you’ll reach a point where you’ll be able to love in the most natural and healthy way, and not only your partner, but also yourself. The fact that you’ll be more aware of your needs and that you will give them more of your time and your attention, will relax you. This will greatly change your whole being for the better. You’ll behave and you’ll love healthier.
So, first and foremost, work with yourself, so that you can be proud of who and what you represent and only then you’ll be prepared to give out some true and genuine love to another soul.
Love is a wonderful gift, but it can hurt a lot if you don’t control it.
