Let’s talk about going to the doctor…

Going to the doctor’s office always makes me hyper-aware that I have an eating disorder and that I’m obese. For as long as I can remember I have smelt the stench of judgment radiating from every doctor I have ever seen.

I’ve had many, how should I say this, unique experiences when going to see a doctor. I was always a big boned, and a little heavy, kid and for as long as I can remember they judged me for this. “An apple a day will make the weight go away.” This is what I was told by a doctor constantly at every visit when I was younger and at my most impressionable age.

Every doctor was judgmental of me and my mother. They would blame us for feeding me incorrectly. In reality, they should be the ones scolded. They never offered the help to show me that I have an eating disorder.

Now that I’m an adult, having to go to the doctor makes me incredibly anxious. My whole body feels like its trembling uncontrollably. My mind is in a haze and I can barely keep my thoughts and sentences coherent. But, nothing compares to that feeling of relief I get when I leave the doctor’s office and go on with the rest of my day.

So yeah, I kinda dread going to the doctor whenever I have to….