11 Quotes by Feminist Dudes to Help My Conservative Dad Understand I’m Not Crazy, I’m a Hobbit!

Fed up and tired from arguing with my friends and family on Facebook (love you Mom, you’re the best) this feminist is on a quest to convince my conservative pals that supporting the Women’s March doesn’t make me insane. Obviously the only way to do this is with quotes from male feminists that hopefully republican dads can relate to accompanied by a butt-ton of Lord of The Rings references my Mom can relate to! (Oh god, I’m terrified.)

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”- Gandalf

^WTF does that guy know, right? He’s always supah stoned. This will either be the first of many articles I write about politics or the only one ever (I haven’t stopped sweating!) Fourteen years ago I came to the liberal city of LA as a comic after growing up on a ranch with a loving conservative family. I’ve now spent my life evenly split between the two extremes, thus I’m too conservative for my LA friends, too liberal for my hometown. Yes, I am liberal. Yes, I sympathize, empathize and sometimes agree with the non-extremist right. I’ve even agreed with them, but not lately. I’ve never been a political comic, quite the opposite! I love genre comedy, stuff with swords and jokes about why the Hulk has a tiny dick. But today, after another Facebook battle with my inspiring strong feminist mother, (did I mention I love you, Mom?) I realized that to truly be understood, I gotta try something else. So maybe conservatives and liberals can find middle ground in Middle Earth!

I’m such a Frodo, you guys. First denied my call to adventure only to have it spill into my home forcing me to accept this quest. Why shouldn’t this conflict-hating nerd who didn’t lose her virginity till 22, deny her call to action- I’ll tell you , cause dis scary AF! This analogy means I’ll also be making new friends along the way! Who wants to be my Samwise?! #BestFriendGoals. To make it to Mordor I’m gonna need weapons for battle. My ‘Sting’ (orc sword) that I keep sheathed with me at all times, is my empathy. Whenever hate spews onto my social media, ‘Sting’ glows red or sometimes blue. I unsheathe my empathy to engage in conversation with The Fellowship of the Facebook in hopes to understand where they might be coming from. Maybe ringwraiths have never burst through their front door or they may have gone their entire lives without ever encountering a single hobbit. Sure, it seems unlikely. But to not consider all possibilities is to cut your compassion off at the legs and as a result the only beast slain shall be that of one’s own personal growth.***

“There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.” -Samwise

My conservative friends aren’t orcs. They’re more like the dwarves in the mines or wait, no! The beautiful elves in Rivendell. Sure their leader is kinda terrifying cause he looks exactly like Agent Smith but that doesn’t mean all elves are trying to keep us in the Matrix. Some of them will join us, especially once the storm clears and we’re able to sit down and truly listen. We probably all agree this GD ring needs to get to mother-fucking-Mordor! And that dwarves, can actually be pretty dope. I mean they have beards with braids that even makes Pinterest lean back and be all like, “da fuck?!” Ultimately the support from dwarves, elves, and those bomb ass tree dudes will be the reason we complete our quest.** United we’ll go on to make 18 movies that are way too long but who caress cause dragons are cool! Wait, what were we- Ah, yes! Get to the quotes, you fool!

Today at second breakfast while reading about how the leader of the free world stood in front of all Muslim Immigrants and said, “You shall not pass!” I began searching for new perspectives I might share instead of the regular ol’ “me shouting from my soapbox” thing cause apparently it’s so high that no one CAN HEAR ME FROM UP HERE! I made the memes below with the intention that maybe they will serve us as a tool to help you inspire the beautiful but different elves in your lives who straight up think we’re all bonkers. No, this article isn’t going to change anyone’s mind but I can no longer deny my call to action because “it’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” Wish it were as simple as defeating one adversary like Sauron, but this quest is one we must all endure together if we wish to achieve peace, harmony and true equality. Personally speaking, quotes from Vedder or Tolkien ain’t gonna be gettin’ through to my Carhart wearin’, horse breakin’, Daddio but you know who just might?! Will Rogers. Mom, Dad, I love you and I swear I’m not crazy. See you all at the next march!

~Your Nerdy Feminist Friend, Andie Bolt.

P.S. If you have any amazing videos, links, or quotes that I should have in my sheathe, please send em’ my way! Thanks for reading! ~A

Footnotes:

  • *It’s the only logical explanation for the crotch of his pants being the only clothing that doesn’t explode off his body.
  • **I know they’re called ents you nerds gimme a break I’m trying to make this accessible.
  • ***Channeled my inner Tolkein right thurr!