A Pocketful of Learnings
July 26, 2017
I woke up from a much needed rest, I was just playing my spotify playlist when I fell asleep. My body knows it is tired. My heart knows it is lonely.
It was Take Me, I'll Follow playing. I love that song, along with the many old songs I have on my playlist (you can follow me, it's Andi's Playlist on Spotify if you like Lite Rock kind of music, perfect for this kind of weather (but I go by it in any given weather))... The lines went "I wanna learn the things that you know... "
For so many years I have been with you, you have taught me a lot...from simple things to things I should value.
Having been working in a Japanese vessel, you taught me to use chopsticks. Something I’ve always thought I won’t learn how to use cause I have always been comfortable using a spoon and a fork. You made me feel it is ok to learn some variation from what I find comfortable to use.
I’ve shun from riding a motorcycle due to an accident I once had. I suffered from a nasty and painful bruise on my left thigh from the impact of the accident. From then, I haven’t really ridden. But one day, you picked me up with a motorcycle, I hesitated but you made me feel I should trust you. In riding, I entrusted you my life.
I’ve also shun from riding a bicycle caused by a trauma I had when I tried to learn it the first time when I was in grade school. I got badly hit by the pedal on my right shin. You told me it’s ok to get hurt, but you made me believe I can do it so long as I persist and want it badly. This time, I learned without falling.
Handwritten letters reminded me of my first heart break, but the new love I found in you made me want to write letters and cards again. I remembered how good it made me feel when I write about my feelings...so our letters and cards overflowed.
You are ok for me to do what I want while you just watch on the sideline (like when I go drinking and you don't cause you'll drive).
You made me realize that differences are ok, as long as you try to broaden your understanding & accept what cannot be changed. You embraced me for who I am especially when I am most difficult to understand.
You made me value my life. For so many moments, short or long, through my different stages of depression, you supported me. You blamed yourself when I hurt myself and entertained thoughts of taking my life. The scars have remained and you also stayed. You promised to never leave me.
You made me value compromise. There are things that had to be given up, but if it is for us to stay in our relationship, then, it has to be done.
These and so many more...
But most of all... You taught me to open my heart and love again. You made me feel a love that you think I deserved. You put much effort to keep me happy and sane.
And for that, I thank God he lead me to you. I thank God I still have you after all these years. I thank God he sent someone to love me the way He knows I needed to be loved.
And as the song goes, “know that whatever you do, I’ll follow you...”