The Story of Two Songs

Knowing to have this dinner tonight leave me restless for the entire day. Checking out on Qraved and Foursquare to pick a new place before I start the day. This has been our previous ritual, to pick a new spot trying new foods and have a good conversation and friendship.

When I see her sitting in the corner, a tingle feeling is still inside. Sitting in front of her still feels awkward, it almost a year since we have our dinner together. I thought I was over with what I felt. I just want to meet her to see on how is she doing.

In between the good food, I share my story for the past one year. The story on how I am trying to focus on less things. All works, but lacks the fun I used to feel when something exciting beside works.

With her turn to tell her story, I see how she glows with excitement. Sometime she shows a vibrant gesture on how passion can collide with works. Ah, really miss these views and feelings whenever I meet with her.

Then she shares effortlessly that she has moved on already. I am kind of expecting this, but when I hear that from her, as stupid as it sounds, it really hurts. I am just drifting along after that, hoping she didn’t catch what I feel during the conversation.

Spending the night preparing my business trip doesn’t help. Keeping my eyes close as a restless effort to sleep. Still with a sunken feeling, I had to depart at dawn catching an early flight. Touching down at Changi, followed by back to back meetings until the end of the day.

While walking alone, I hear a soulful ballad, a quick check on SoundCloud, it’s Sam Smith’s Leave Your Lover.

I don’t have much to give, but I don’t care for gold
What use is money, when you need someone to hold?
Don’t have direction, I’m just rolling down this road
Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold
You’ll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name

I still remember after a wonderful dinner a year ago, we had a Whatsapp conversation. “What happens with us?” she asked. I replied “I fall for you”. And she said “I am kind of grew a feeling as well”. While sitting at Starbucks, I can hear Josh Groban’s Brave is playing.

When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don’t understand
My reason to be brave
Hold on, hold on so strong, time just carries on
All that you thought was wrong is pure again
You can’t hide forever from the thunder
Look into the storm and feel the rain

What a contrast can happen in a year. Now I am closing my day with this bitter sweet memory and keep both song in my iTunes collection.