You are not 19? What 50? 50 points of experience maybe :D You sure sound as free as a 19 y.o., freedom sometimes looks idiotic to the trapped.
True story, the spirit never ages, nor changes, it only, sometimes, learns.
Men don’t know what they want either. Actually knowing what you want is hard work for both sexes. I won one lottery and am in this long lasting coupledom, and we trick destiny by suggesting one another what the other one wants, reflections of gestures and moods. But that has the resolution of a hit in a year :D
Oh, and self adjustment, yes that is great, its just that it chips apart the frozen past :) In our experience (mine and Nico’s, my wife), so far it appears that self expression and appropriateness rarely mix well, and since freedom is more important than living for any self aware being, self adjustment makes the depths more shallow.
What 50? 50 rotations around the sun? The rock below you has had about 4.5 billion of them, hasn’t left, it appears to be interesting :D and so are you 19 and floating freely!