Andrea Sampson
Nov 2 · 4 min read

The Decisions of Life

I am struggling to understand and recognize the many faces I wear. Some I choose, others are worn without awareness. I choose these words carefully to own my actions and behaviours, clearly at times I am not aware of these.

I am looking into a mirror I don’t recognize. This mirror is showing me a person who is dishonest, overbearing, impulsive, non communicative and territorial. Who is this person? What is the need that isn’t being met?

This is a difficult reflection to see, I need to sit with her and listen. To allow her to be real, to be heard and to deliver the message she is hear you give. In the listening, I am allowing.

She is me from 8–14, everything taken from me. No place to exist, abused by those who are supposed to love me. Confused and scared, feeling like I have no future, depressed, feeling ugly, unloved and unlovable, awkward, alone, hopeless and powerless. What is bringing her out, conflict with my partner… the stress of keeping the business growing… constant travel creating a disorientation… the lack of a loving partner to love all of me. I feel alone, not lonely, just alone and not understood.

So what is the message from my inner scared, protective me? Let others love you, it’s okay to be sad, it is okay to need to be protected and nurtured by others, no one is trying to take your life.

The phrase – take your life, feels very strong, like I need to anchor deeply, keep others from taking what I came into this life for. You came into this life with a mission, it is big, but you aren’t the ONLY one, it’s okay to relax a bit to rest and let others step in.

Not everyone in you life will be right for you all the time, many will come and go, this is a good thing. You are ready to face this reflection now, you have the tools to see your younger self, to forgive her for the choices she made to create safety, to allow her to survive. She is you in the past, you are not her now, you are safe BECAUSE of her choices. Be grateful to her, she was spectacular at making sure you survived! And because of her, you are here today, let her go, let her revel in the creation of you, celebrate who you have become. It’s now time for 54 year old Andrea to pick up the mantle of your life and create mirrors that show you who you are now, the true you, the person you love and admire.

Mirrors are a function of the people you choose to spend time with, when do you enjoy the person you are? Who is with you then? Sal, Marnee, Rhea, Darius, others who make you laugh, who see the beauty in your soul, who accept your quirks and celebrate your differences.

You need to spend time with people who truly love who you are now. Who understand you weren’t always this way, and love you even when 8 yr old scared Andrea peeks out. You are deep, soulful, loving and kind. You are also afraid, protective, and hurtful, both of these can be true. Choose who you spend time with, this will tip the balance to one or the other. You are love, you are loved and love is you.

    Andrea Sampson

    Written by

    Entrepreneur, creative, curious, I continuously learn from everything I do.

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