Why Selfishness Is The Reason You’re Disappointment

You’re not being the way I want you to be.

You’re not giving me the answers I want.

You’re not responding to what I say the way I want you to: the way I imagined you would.

You’re not giving me advice that’s in line with what I want to do.

You’re not fulfilling my need to be right.

You’re not saying things the way I want you to say them.

You’re not showing support in the ways I think you should.

You’re not being the way I want you to be.

You’re not being the way I want you to be.

-A.S.


I got into a barn-burner the other day with the hubby.

It started over something small, yet significant, which is how most of our arguments start. Details aren’t important.

OK fine, it had to do with a cup of tea not being made. (BTW, a drool worthy tea: Murchie’s orange spice)

Once I chilled out, and realized he wasn’t going to see things my way, I knew a reality check was in order. For both of us.

Plus I knew it was a battle of the ego’s, and didn’t want to sour our entire day over it. The man needed new flip-flops, and I had a 15 dollar coupon to use at the mall that expired that day. Wasn’t letting that go to waste.

So the reality check needed to happen, which was this:

A lot of discontent comes from entering interactions with sky-high hopes.

We expect people to be perfect, and want them to give a shit about the things we care about. We want them to respond favourably: in a way that suits our needs.

But they don’t, and then we’re all “wahhhhhhh. I’m hurt. You’ve hurt me. You’ve disappointed me. You’ve let me down.”

It’s all, me-me-me-me-me-me.

We are so damn good at complaining.

“So and so doesn’t listen to me. They don’t do things the way I think they should.”

First off, the word “should” sucks. It’s a joy sucker, and a dirty word that needs to be banished, because it’s loaded with guilt and shame and damaging-to-the-soul feelings. It siphons energy.

And second, the universe responds by giving more of what we give out. So the more we whine about these undesirable scenarios and events, the more we get of them.

“This is how this person needs to respond to me, and it is the only suitable way to do it. Failure to meet my very high and ridiculous expectations will result in a lot of whining and complaining, until I figure out how very ridiculous it all is….Wait, what??”

So silly isn’t it? But guess who did just that the other morning?

This girl, AND the guy she married.

We often get caught in these loops of thought that orbit around the question, “how can this person make me feel better? How can this person help me?”

Time to get it straight: the cause of much of our interpersonal conflict is selfishness.

Life is so much easier when we release the reigns on worrying about ourselves all the time. Being generous, both in thought and action, is a good way to get out of our own heads.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t put our health and wellness first. Self-care is self-love, and we need both to thrive. Never waiver on that!

It just means that when we’re on a complaining, woe-is-me binge, it’s good to acknowledge what’s happening and switch things up, asap, so we don’t perpetuate feeling shitty.

So cheers to the small yet significant moments that sometimes turn into mini domestic disputes, for teaching us to aim higher and love harder.

And check out The School of Life’s video about pessimism as a cure for disappointment. An interesting perspective. Not sure I’m 100% on board, but it made me think.

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Andrea Scoretz is a soul-centric freelance writer, storyteller, and Huffington Post blogger from Vancouver Island, Canada. Learn more about her via www.mustlovecrows.com