Live and love better with pain — www.beachsidebuddha.com.au
It’s often said that people take action in life to either seek pleasure or to escape pain. It’s also often said that there is a fine line between pleasure and pain.
There are so many types of pain and most of us are probably walking around trying to avoid them at all costs. But is this mindset preventing you from growing, from changing or experiencing all that life has to offer. Are you resisting change or a new experience because you want to avoid the pain associated with the loss of the familiar? For me, I think it sometimes does. Are you secretly scared of the success of a new business venture or a new love because you know that it will change your life forever and you think you aren’t quite ready to let go of your former life, the “safe” bubble that you are currently in. Are you scared of the pain of not being good enough or not meeting expectations? Then there is the sweet pain of pure joy when you connect with someone who is worthy of your time, of connecting and giving them your love and seeing yourselves grow together, sharing the perfection of a moment, a shared joke, a deep knowing between two people or a magical sunset, and knowing that the sweetness of the moment may come to an end.
Everyone dislikes pain, we are programmed as humans to avoid it, I know I definitely try to avoid it! but to feel pain is to live because we still have the chance to live. Only the living feel pain, the dead cannot. I am grateful for all the experiences that I have had to date, even the painful ones because it has brought me to this exact moment and it has pushed me to learn more about myself. And know that even if you are feeling terrible at this moment, this feeling is not indicative of how you will feel tomorrow
So how can we live with, and experience pain in a constructive manner? Keep reading below.
Pain is part of life and love
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
This beautiful quote is by — Jim Morrison (musician/author). I think what he is trying to express is that pain is a part of life, we need to accept this fact and learn to embrace the fact that life is like the ocean, it rises and it falls, but it is always changing, knowing that the waves will sometimes bring you to euphoric peaks of bliss but that they may also have to fall. Be open to riding the waves rather than resisting them. Sometimes I scare myself with the intensity of feelings I have. However, I know these feelings make me feel alive, they let me know that what I am experiencing is real, that I care, that I want to really live. They are a part of me and to deal with them is to deal with the realities of life and love as we grow to the fullest versions of ourselves.
Strength is in the acceptance of pain
When I was seeing a naturopath some years ago, she told me that anything you resist, just persists. How true that is, until you deal with whatever pain it is, you cannot forgive yourself, or the person(s) which you believe to have caused you the pain and you will only create resentment. We are the creators of our own realities and tell ourselves the stories that run through our heads. In some cases, you play a role in the pain you feel and how you react to circumstances. I know I do. I don’t think that people intentionally set out to hurt you. Knowing this makes it easier to let go and forgive. So ask yourself, will this matter in 5 years and does it erase all the good things about that person? You grant forgiveness because it sets you free, because you love yourself and because you are love.
Don’t take it personally
Hard but amazing advice to follow. Often we are hurt by what others do or say. Why do we feel hurt? Because we placed expectations on how that person was meant to act, react, do or say in our interactions with them. It’s normal to have expectations but realise that most people’s decisions are fuelled by the need to fulfil their own desires and people’s reactions to you are about their perspective’s, wounds and experiences. If someone thinks you’re amazing or believes that you’re terrible, this says more about them and how they feel at that present point in time. This doesn’t mean you should ignore feedback (it’s still important to learn the lessons you need to learn !) but don’t take the feedback personally.
Mindset We all choose how we look at an experience. Our mind determines whether or not we view something as good or bad and whether the pain will continue to rule us or whether we can keep moving towards where we want to go.
I saw this somewhere on the internet the other day — you are a rider, the captain of your chariot driven by horses. The horses are your emotions, the chariot is your body and the rider is you, the rider is made up of your willpower and your mind. You can’t let the horses just go anywhere they want, or they won’t get to where you want to go. You have to take care of the chariot or its going to breakdown and you the captain and the rider, need to control your mind and your willpower to tell the horses where to go.
If we are able to bring awareness to our emotions and why we feel the way we do and why these fuel our decisions, we will be able to better take care of ourselves to help us get to where we want to in life.
To be human is to connect, Let me know your thoughts, how do you deal with pain constructively?