An Ode to Ketel One

I chose you because you were the cleanest of all the poisons.

Clear and classic… strong like your Russian roots.

You weren’t my first love, but you were my last.

You wrapped me in a warm blanket and numbed the day’s highs and lows.

My companion when others asked too many questions.

A secret friend mixed with a splash of soda.

We held hands and fought for many years.

You flirted your way into my inner circle.

You were jealous of my other loves and begged to be my one and only.

God, the ways you would woo me into your presence.

I craved you.


Capturing all my worship.

Less of myself.

Covered up.


Unsure of my heart.

Unsure of my worth.



In over my head.


My knees hit the bottom.

Gasping and fighting, I broke the surface.

About face.

I plowed through the panic.

Raw and dazed.

There was so much time.

There was so much damn time.

I wandered with no skin on.

Now what do I do?

I held my own hand.

I leaned in.

I listened.

I returned to myself.

And I remembered that I loved her.