10 Reasons For and Against Drone Strikes

“Have You Even Considered This?”

The United States has been waging a new kind of war in the Middle East, using primarily unmanned flying machines to bomb select targets. Proponents of drone strikes claim that they reduce American casualties and allow for more precise attacks on key locations or individuals, while detractors claim that the strikes kill many civilians and encourage unnecessary violence abroad. What are the pros and cons of drone strikes? Have you even considered this?

PRO-DRONE

  1. Drone strikes allow the United States to wage bloody, costly wars with unprecedented convenience
  2. Able to swiftly eliminate all terrorists identified on Google Streetview
  3. Drones only strike Afghan schools that fail to meet standardized testing benchmarks
  4. Outfitted with thrust technology that projects American xenophobia up to 4,000 miles.
  5. Terrorists simply hate Western freedoms, especially the freedom to bomb whoever the hell we want
  6. Successfully targeted a person believed to be ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi while driving his brown Toyota Tercel. How many other brown Toyota Tercels could there be?
  7. Driverless drones eliminate need to install right-hand side driver’s seat when bombing England, India, or Australia
  8. Emotional reality of murdering innocent civilians now even easier to repress
  9. Terrorists probably somewhere around there
  10. Repeated historical pattern of the world’s greatest empires all collapsing due to military overextension about due for an exception

ANTI-DRONE

  1. For some reason, bombs tend to aggravate terrorists
  2. They’re like the blue shells in Mario Kart, but they hit the people in 8th place
  3. The $12m spent on each drone could have been spent on something more productive for the country, like the landing gear of an F-22 Lightning Fighter Jet
  4. Whole ISIS thing will probably work itself out
  5. Unmanned crafts are a weak, wussyboy way to demonstrate ironclad imperial dominance
  6. Drones not compostable
  7. Although imprecise conversions make it difficult to determine, the threat of white people maybe dying arguably does not justify actually killing brown people
  8. Like Amazon Prime, but for death
  9. Oh shit, there’s another brown Toyota Tercel…
  10. We will soon learn that the terrorists were in our hearts all along

“Have You Even Considered This?” is an ongoing series. 
For more, check out
10 Reasons For and Against Bernie Sanders.

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