Manning-up to domestic abuse: why I stayed and why I left

If it was that bad, why didn’t you just walk out the door?

Sounds simple, right? The caller on the radio show had a valid point. I was caught in an abusive relationship, so surely if I’d have had any sense, I’d have followed a straight-forward, 4-step plan:

Step 1) Phone my friend/mum and get some lodgings sorted.

Step 2) Pack the essentials.

Step 3) Put my shoes on.

Step 4) Walk to the front door, open it, walk through it, close the front door … job done!

But leaving isn’t as simple as it sounds, not for women OR men who are caught in abuse. There are complications which lock people in, leaving them with few places to turn to and limited options for getting out.

• What would you say, if I told you, that instead of seeing your children every day as you now do, your time with them will be immediately reduced to every other fortnight at best, and that there may be long periods of time when you don’t see them at all?
• What would you say if I then told you, that you will spend months in the family courts spending thousands of pounds just to establish some kind of contact with your children, because any kind of contact would be better than…