Songs Inspired by My Last-Minute Trip to the Halloween Pop-Up Store

Andrew Marshall
Oct 29 · 2 min read
Photo: Andrew Marshall

Wigulate” (inspired by Warren G’s “Regulate”)
Just hit my last chance, it’s this pop-up store,
On a mission trying to find a decent fake hair score.
Seen a rack full of wigs so no need to tweak,
This place is gonna be a Christmas store next week.

How Soon is Meow?” (inspired by The Smiths’ “How Soon is Now”)
It’s for my son.
He has hair.
Yes, my son’s a cat I need a costume for him.
Perhaps some kind of bear.
He is kind of particular.
You shut your mouth.
How can you say,
He won’t fit into toddler cosplay?

This Mask is Unclean” (inspired by Dexys Midnight Runners’ “Come on Eileen”)
This mask is unclean, this stain (can be seen).
And this price is…kinda obscene?
For ten dollars less, I’d want to possess.
Is it worth it?
To be Wolverine?

Nice Bribe Baby” (inspired by Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby”)
All right stop.
I’m kinda stressed so listen,
I need your help since I have your attention.
Something….you may have, but unlikely?
I’m on the hunt both daily and nightly.
Is it on the shelf?
Yo, I don’t know.
Look up the SKU, it might show?
If you’ve got some hair Bill H. Macy might channel,
It’s for my half of ‘The Admissions Scandal’.

Empty” (inspired by The Cranberries’ “Zombie”)
Just the same old themes,
Iron Man? Stranger Things?
But these shelves, oh these shelves, they are empty?
Why are these shelves, are these shelves…
Empty, empty, empty-ty-ty?

Illinoisan” (inspired by Bel Biv Devoe’s “Poison”)
It’s driving me out of my mind,
A stovetop hat I cannot find.
Try aisle four she said…
Poplin, fake beard, bow tie…but atop Abe’s head?
He’s Illinoisan!

Sears in Heaven” (inspired by Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven”)
It really is a shame,
That this Sears is in heaven.
Perhaps I am to blame?
Should have seen the sales lessen.
It was here so long…Spirit comes along.
Could this all…be pointing to,
A recession?

What is a Slenderman?” (inspired by Pearl Jam’s “Can’t Find a Better Man”)
I guess this Shark was on YouTube?
Blame my attention span.
Fortnite, Halo, and Pickle Rick. What is a Slenderman?
What is a Slenderman?
What is this Borderlands?

(Stay) Home” (inspired by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’s “Home”)
Holy moly, me oh my,
Nothing left, what do I buy?
Shouldn’t have waited…shame on you.

Man, oh man, could I pretend,
I caught some very bad illness,
“To sick to go”…I could plead.

Well, back at home a sheet have I,
Plain ghost, toga, Jesus Christ!
Ain’t nothing great…but gets me through.

Or, home, I could stay home…

Andrew Marshall
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