How Advanced Metrics would turn Golf into a Contact Sport
Half baked ideas are great, here is an idea that would provide a spark to a sport that just is not as much fun to watch without a man named Tiger. This Idea will evolve the game, attract new sponsors and do the impossible attempt to entertain millennials. But this idea is only the start.
Golf needs a new statistic/metric/hook to entice a new audience, and I have the perfect one for you, I call it the FAIL Metric. FAIL would be combination of all instances that a given golfer….. for lack of a better word, fails to hit a stellar shot. Different weights would be put on different types of failed shots, a ball in the water would account for a larger FAIL then Tee shot in a fairway bunker and a Missed 2 foot putt would weigh more than a missed 5 foot putt. FAIL would be prominently displayed on the leader board right between to the players overall score and what hole he is on.
This Metric would not only give viewers something to talk about but it would mess with players heads thus increasing (OAF) Overall Adjusted FAIL. Any Golfer knows thinking about not hitting the ball in the water will inevitably end up with you hitting the ball in the water. Only getting chased by a 9 iron wielding wife on a thanksgiving night messes with your swing more.
If done correctly, FAIL could save Golf from its post Tiger low and turn the sport into a juggernaut. Keep in mind the FAIL metric is only the first Domino. Here is a 10 year Timeline of what will happen to Golf, Sports, America, THE WORLD, if Golf incorporates FAIL into its box-score.
2018 — Player hits ball into grandstand on 18th and loses the event because of it, says at post round interview “My higher then normal FAIL on that hole was in the back of my mind, it cost me the win”
2019 — Player in contention lays up at the 16th hole on Sunday because he does not want to chance raising his FAIL
2020 — Nick Faldo (the last Golf commentator to acknowledge FAIL) finally gives in at the masters
2020 — People in attendance of PGA events begin to cheer for water balls and missed putts and sigh for Greens in Regulation and Drives in the fairway.
2021 — Talking Head A “I don’t care Dustin Johnson has won 8 of the last 9 Majors, he is not the best player in the world, how could you be the best player when you are FAILing at a clip of 11.78”. Talking Head B “Jordan Spieth Golfs for FAIL, Dustin Golfs for wins”.
2022 — Player wins PGA player of the Year honors without claiming a top 10 finish in any PGA event. He won because he lead the PGA in FAIL. Enraged, Nick Faldo starts punching people.
2023 — Realizing the rating boost the award night fight gave them, the PGA legalizes Trash Talk and fighting.
2023 — The first player on player fight, Crowd goes wild.
2023 — Statistician invents new Metric (FKD) FAIL+Knockdowns.
2024 — First Caddy on Caddy Fight at the Olympics in LA. Golf Eclipses Football as Americas sport.
2024 — Old English Malt Liquor becomes the official sponsor of the PGA
2024 — Emotionally broken and tired of the violence, Nick Faldo stops punching people.
2025 — Ex Tiger Woods Caddy, Steve Williams host Reality TV show on Golf Network called “Ultimate Caddy”.
2026 — Golf set to host its first PayPerView.
2027 — Mel Kiper, releases his mock draft of what Caddy will be selected by the top new Golfer in the inaugural PGA Draft. He projects the FKD of each pick.
See how a simple metric will start the ball rolling for golf to take over the sports world? Sure it started slow, but you know your statistic hit it big-time when Mel Kiper Jr uses it as the bases for his projections…. right?