Ricky’s Story — Installment #6
This is an entry in the journal I kept about the boy we ended up adopting into our family. It’s dated March 17, 2017:
One thing snow and cold does is to get you kind of hunkered in just to stay warm and out of the weather. And when people are cozy like that it has a way of leading to talk and getting to know one another better. So last night we had a real interesting conversation with Ricky.
It’s funny the way he will be kind of quiet, but then without any warning he comes out with a question or statement about something. Last night we were watching some of the basketball tournaments and having some hot chocolate. I was sitting close to Randy on the sofa when Ricky looked right at us and said, ‘I’ve been watching you two.’
Randy said back ‘You have? And what have you been watching?’ Then Ricky said he had never seen gay guys like us. He thought that gay guys just wanted sex and hopped from guy to guy to get it. But he could see we really loved each other and were devoted to each other like straight couples are. And he was really surprised that we never went after him and had even turned him down when he offered himself to us. This was a side of being gay that he had never seen before.
Then I asked him why he thought he was gay? He said it was how he had always felt. He never remembered when he wasn’t attracted to other boys. And he never cared at all about girls, except as friends. He said girls were always hanging around him and some of the straight guys were jealous. But he never wanted to have sex with them like he did with guys.
Then I asked him about his growing up and how that went. I thought maybe the mental and physical abuse at home could have turned him in a gay direction. I don’t think everyone is naturally gay like us. There are other causes for it. But he told us when he was growing up his parents were loving and normal and things were really good. It wasn’t until he told them he was gay when he was 13 that things changed, especially between him and his dad and brother. His dad beat him the day he told them he was gay. After that he would hardly talk to him and spoke abusively to him when he did. And his brother called him names and would physically hurt him and do nasty things to him, like putting his penis in his mouth when he was asleep. That went on for about a year, and then he finally ran away from home.
All of this just points out that what happens to us or what our home environment is like aren’t always the things that make someone gay. Some of us are just that way for no reason other than it’s how we are. Things like what happened to Ricky might help it along quicker, but they aren’t the reason for it.
Anyway, after all the talking Ricky said it was good for him to see a different side of what being gay looks like. I wanted to ask him about what had happened to him over the past year and a half, but I decided that’s something he should bring up if he wants to talk about it. But I’m glad we have been able to be examples for him of another side of life for gays other than the typical stereotype he has only known.