A tribute to Mike T.

We were waiting in line for a package of blunts and black-and-milds(a sweet smelling, mini-cigar with a wooden or plastic tip you smoke from) when he asked me how I could just let her go. He said it simply. He said I was his prodigy and she was to be mine. He said I’d had her and I let her go. She was so beautiful then and even more so now and I let her go. He didn’t say it cruelly but more like when you’re almost to the end of a race and you let up and your friends yell at you for not pushing that extra bit. It’s a love thing.

Truth is, she was never mine. It felt that way for a while, I’ll admit there were the greatest of times with her and even now a part of me stubbornly clings to them. I let it. Those times only bring me joy as I rejoice in the fact that they happened rather than that they are no more. That’s like constantly being sad you lost a friend rather than joking on the great times you had, what would feel better to you?

I know he didn’t mean any harm but it still stung slightly and if anything brought me fully into the moment. What filled me wasn’t grief or regret but gratitude. Extreme and fulfilling gratitude. She wasn’t with me, she wasn’t having to wait up for me as I smoked weed with the boys and “fooled around” as I figured out what to do with my life. She was with someone who loved her through and through and as far as I could tell from social media took good care of her. When you truly love someone that’s what you hope for.

I explained it to him in the car and he said he understood. Mike’s always been good to me that way. Even in my worst times he always had the level headed advice that, even if it didn’t resolve the situation, it got me to calm down enough to keep me moving.

I understand how risky it is to your dating life writing about someone you used to be with. I know that a future girlfriend could read this and be upset and demand me to take it down and I won’t. This is and will be me. Sure I may stop certain things and have different habits in life but it doesn’t mean this wasn’t ever a part of my life. It will always be there.