The Trainer Who Couldn’t Count

Here I am, doing what I do the best and the most: reading and writing. Learning. I give myself shit for not being more focused on the end result of things. I find that because I get so easily distracted, I get mad at myself and exclaim, “Why can’t you be more on your shit?!” It frustrates my clients too and even though they might not admit it to me, I tell myself that because it makes me do better.

Truth is, this is who I’ve been since I was young. School was hard because I couldn’t sit there and listen for hours on subjects I cared little about. Maybe it would make me more reliable and a safer option if I were more attentive and obedient. Maybe my first love, the one I still think about daily, would still be in my life if I could just buckle down and focus on creating a stable life. Sadly, that isn’t me.

Sometimes I confound myself with how someone like me decided to become a trainer. With as little organization as I have in life and how much I focus on other things other than training, it seems unlikely. What makes me able to train though is that I was able to understand certain positions and capacities of the body and what it needed to feel good. I chased Crossfit because it made me look and feel strong, then I wanted to teach it because I felt people around me needed it. I’m getting off point here so it’s time for me to stop.

My life is the way it is because I’m constantly looking around rather than focusing on the end goal. A book I’m reading mentions that maybe it’s not so bad to be that way but I should find a way to be a bit more focused on the end goal so I can drive my creative pursuits home. My love for all I do is what brought me here but it’s the grind that will bring me farther. I have to keep going and grind my sparks into a blaze.