We are the fruit that needs to be torn open. Our awakening might be violent, or a natural unfolding, it matters not. There is no perfection possible with in our coiled condition, as yet we intuit that there is indeed perfection, beyond and prior to our condition. The night keeps us awake and brushes us against angel wings. Love is by definition insomnia — the refusal of sleep.

Various voices inhabit us. Some destabilising, some menacing, some condemning — others offering comfort, support, a melody, a reason… Some have injured us, some been our loyal friend. The heartbreak wells up in us, because so much is left unspoken, untold, undone, unforgiven. We are haunted equally by the beauty and the devastation. We seem to have come to an impasse, we feel doomed to repeat the same old round…

Yet friend, your heartbreak is most holy, most blessed. It is hard to see that with volcanic ashes in your eyes, with your dreams full of poisonous scorpions, with deadly hounds at your heals. You can’t see it as you lie there helpless in your 3am insomnia — with the wolves all around.

For now the waves of shock will continue to poor over you — but the time will come when you really do wake up in a new country. It takes time and tearing at the womb — but you will learn to crawl once more. And then walk, and then run, and then speed through the universe in your new vehicle..

Your new country will be a blessed land, full of early light. Your scars and your hallucinations will no longer be so heavy, but will be ornaments to your natural beauty. You will not walk timidly in this new land, but upright and fierce. You will not be fooled by idealism, you will know what is just and what is necessary. You will be older, grey like a wolf and your eyes will be bright. You will not run from heartbreak this time, but actively seek it out — you will go in search of dragons to slay. You will raise your voice a little, you will want to tell people what you found there — in the land of shadows , for you will have discovered the deeper the shadow, the more intense the light; that the wider the gulf, the more the voice resounds, the more your echo will multiply and fill the whole of space. For this time you will not be mute, and both your silence and your words be heard, not by the multitudes, but by the One: the one who really matters, who was never in any way separate from you. You will know that he is no other and there will be no need to deify, to mythologize, to mumble your prayers into the void. For your will fall deeply into earths splendour, you will be re-birthed, you be be jubilant. Do not doubt it… Do not call it dying. It is eternally being made anew.