If you should ever feel you don’t matter.
You do. But first let’s do some math.
What’s the answer to this equation? -∞ + ∞ = x
The answer: who knows?
Theoretically, there is an answer.
Is it attainable?
No. Not now nor probably ever.
We can’t conscieve of such an answer because our minds can’t even begin to imagine what infinity alone looks like. The mere fact that we can look up into a clear night sky, into that endless starlit black expanse, is a testament for our unrivaled ability to stare infinity in the face and feel at home.
If you’re like me, you sometimes feel everything you do is worthless. Like the sum of your actions is nothing. You feel you have no meaning. You feel you have spent the last 10, 20, 30 years doing nothing purposeful. You feel overwhelming apathy, sadness, and emptiness.
You feel like you don’t matter. But that isn’t true.
Think about who you are. A human. You live. You breath. Put your hand to your chest and you feel what? A heart beat. Close your eyes and imagine something that brings you joy. You can feel that and a myriad of other emotions just by picturing them. You’re a complex ocrestration of biological and pyschological design.
But if we strip away everything and reduce it to it’s smallest parts, we are nothing but matter and energy. But put together a certain way, somehow all that matter and energy comes together and forms something that can think about why it exists.
You are the only thing in the known universe that is made of the same things as the stars that thinks about why it exists. Don’t ever forget that.
But for now, back to infinity.
The universe is expanding right now as we speak. For all we know, it has been doing this for all of time. It’s infinite. Everything inside of this vast unverse is imbued with its qualities. Every atom and every unit of energy has existed: never destroyed nor created.
You and I are made of the same stuff as the rest of the universe is. We have atoms that have been here before us and will be here after us. We are awake for a moment and then suddenly we won’t be but the atoms we have been loaned to us will keep going on to lead their infinities like they never belonged to us because they never did. We are borrowing time from infinity, because to us time is slow, but eventually, time will exact it’s debt.
So really -∞ + ∞ = x is anything you want it to be because at the end of your time here, you will go back into the stream of infinity and you will become part of the answer.
You are part of the answer right now.
But really, what’s the point of trying to understand all this? I’m here to tell you: something, be it God, chance, or whatever you think did it, sparked us to awaken. That in and of itself is a miracle beyond all comprehension.
We are awake when there were an infinite number of other things that could have been. The atoms and energy that make you could have been made into a planet, a bucket of water, or a colony of ants and yet you are.
The chances were so unimagiably small that you would be here that it’s almost impossible to even think about.
I don’t think there is moment that goes by that doesn’t add up to something.
Matter and energy are never destroyed nor created. They just are. We are made up of matter and energy that can contemplate why it exists. That is the enigma that surrounds us. We are matter and energy that can think, feel, laugh, love, and hate. What is that? I don’t know! We just exist, we know we exist, and we yell into this reality a resounding “Why?”
Although the stuff that’s makes our bodies isn’t ever going away, “you” as you know “you” will disappear into that nothingness you came from. We are awake for now, and that’s a big “for now,” so don’t you ever feel like you don’t matter because if you didn’t, the universe would have repurposed every atom in your body for something else.
You were granted this gift. You were granted this stay. There were an infinite number of ways this could have gone and yet here you are.
That makes you nothing short of beautiful.