How I try to live my life

These are three simple things I try to do. I hope that by sharing them people will better understand me and I encourage you to hold me accountable to these three things.

Be assertive
I try to tell people what I want. There is no shame in telling people what you want. Often times people get angry with me, especially when I tell them I don’t want to help them. Often they criticize me. I try not to counter criticize. I try to be respectful. I am also not interested in hearing about how other people act or what is normal. I prefer them to explain to me why it’s important to them. I will try to explain why I do or don’t want to do something. Hopefully we can find some common ground. I try to maintain reciprocal and respectful relationships.

I want other people to be more assertive. If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.

Be optimistic
I try to be optimistic, and not delusional. I try to be realistic and refrain from using absolutes terms such as always and never. I try not to make temporary and isolated problems seem permanent and universal. Here are some examples:

Realistic: We don’t have any money.
Pessimistic: We never have any money.

Realistic: He is acting badly.
Pessimistic: He is bad.

Realistic: This job sucks.
Pessimistic: All jobs suck.

I want other people to be more optimistic. If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend Learned Optimism.

Don’t worry
I try not to worry about the future. I am concerned about the future but I find the most effective thing is to focus on what can be done now or in the immediate future. I try to refrain from speculation about the future. I’m not interested in hearing other people’s speculation about the future. I’m more interested in what can be done now that might lead to a better future.

I want other people to worry less. If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend The seven habits of highly effective people (especially the first habit), The Power of Now, or Matthew 6:34 which states “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I will continue to try to live my life in this way. I gotten good results from them in my professional life. In my personal life the results are more mixed. I would like for other people to embrace these principles. But I can’t control other people and in fact I have difficulty living up to these principles myself. Until someone comes up with a better idea… I will continue to try.