I’ve met many who self-identify as “Christian” like those with whom you grew up. My wife and I call them “Smiley Christians.” The problem is that many subgroups of Christianity end up having toxicity like that. I love being Catholic, and I love my Catholic friends, but I don’t know many parishes where outsiders would feel drawn in to meet Jesus. We don’t just suck at being individual Christians. We also suck at being Church.