It’s been about five weeks since we’ve started the semester, four if you don’t count “syllabus week” (although in my opinion, the older you get, the more syllabus week becomes “syllabus 15-minutes then start lecture”).
“Long days, short years”
When I think about those past few weeks, everything feels like a blur. Each day has been pretty jam packed, and I’m exhausted each night I get into bed. My personal perception of time is fairly rigid and faced with the priority of practicality. “How long is this going to take? Where can I fit that time block into my schedule? Should I be doing something else instead with my time?” I always feel like I have to beat the clock, finish on time (if not early), and get enough rest so I can do x, y, or z. My days are already pretty packed now that research and UTeach have started, and it’s definitely difficult for me to make time to do anymore than I already am. For some reason I feel a pressure to always be doing something, to always be productive. My days are (generally) busy from 8:30 til 5:00 everyday with class and research, so homework and extracurriculars take place after that. Maybe that’s why I’ve been living in CPE the past few weeks (wahooo, free bonus is getting a bunch of PocketPoints though).
In the midst of this lifestyle, I have definitely come out alive (yay haha), but I’m constantly questioning whether or not this is the life that the Lord designed and encourages. I’m torn often because I believe that man was made to work (and man, have I been working the past few weeks), but I also understand that God has called us to take care of ourselves and to rest. Also, I don’t know what I would drop — I can’t really drop any of my classes, leadership positions, or “training” for the MS150 (oops, am I supposed to be training for that?). I wrestle with these thoughts a lot. (and I haven’t really come to a conclusion just yet… more on that later). I think this thought can lead into a deeper question of how God wants us to view our time.
Does God want us to be doing “more?”
One of the biggest take-aways I got from my time taking Perspectives (which I would mucho recommend) is a small quote that some teacher exposited on: “I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do” — John 17:4. I think we always think that God wants us to do more, reach out to more people, pile more onto our plates. While for some people, doing more is probably a good idea, I don’t think that’s what God has designed for everyone. “Do well with what God’s given you,” were the words I remember hearing from the teacher during the Perspectives lesson. Jesus, God’s Son, could have done more: He could have stayed longer to heal more people, feed more people, share God’s love with more people, teach more people. The reality is that He didn’t, and He left the Earth eventually. I believe the key statement here is that Jesus did the work that God gave Him to do. And I think that’s the question I will be asking myself as I wrestle through this, “am I doing well with the work that God gave me to do in this time?”