Disconnect in Relationships — Loneliness Between Couple Can be Fixed by a Simple Priority Re-assignment, if it’s not Too Late

So… The gist of it all goes first:

If you have other priorities or see your significant other with priorities other than you — just let it go!

Being in a relationship is a big deal. One does it to be in a better place and to feel in a void one might have. However, it takes two to complete the “happiness” and the two must have many things aligned and in tune to have a “successful” relationship.

The main two elements that I can think of right now are: to be ready/have a need for one AND to have the right mindset for having one.

Each element is important. To be ready/to have a need for a relationship is like wanting AND willing to have a cake at a given time. If you are single and set with your life and everything is going great and you are content with yourself in every aspect, it’s like having a complete cake. The cake looks great, it is tasty and fluffy and exactly what you like. It’s all you need right now. You have to make sure a girlfriend or a boyfriend is not just the “icing on the cake”. He or she must be an integral part of the cake and your significant other must feel that deep inside. Without him or her your cake and life must be incomplete. For example, if your career or something else is more important to you than him or her, then stop and think about it. Either your work or your significant other is the icing on the cake.

Having the right mindset sometimes means making sure your priorities are properly aligned. Your significant other must be the upmost important PRIORITY in your life along with your joint happiness. When he or she is just the icing on the cake, loneliness and hurtful feeling creep in. With these insecurities start to rule your relationship and drive you apart.

Here are some signs of improper priorities in you or your significant other.

· You Feel Single

You feel alone or often find yourself alone and feel the need to be with the one you love. Your inner senses think that your relationship is ending or non-existent. Deep in the gut lonely feelings — you feel you have been dumped but are still in a relationship.

· They do not mind disappointing you

Let’s say he or she is missing in action for some time, from hours to days. You tell them that it hurts not to receive a single message and they still do not apologize or communicate better.

· They don’t fight with you

When he or she does not address unpleasant issues with you, you are most likely not a priority for her. It takes time and energy to argue or even fight. You do not waste that kind of energy on people who are not a priority for you.

· They use you for sex

If someone is really interested in you they would want to spend more time with you, in the public, with their clothes on. They will want to hear how you are feeling. What your life was like before them. What makes you passionate and going in the morning. Sex too early on and too often without having major topics or concerns in relationships covered is an unhealthy sign. Sex is always good. When the initial dust and fluff settles in, the real issues creep in and sexual intimacy keeps you ignorant to the real problems.

· They shut down emotionally

It is never OK to hide how you are feeling and give him or her the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. You only have each other to go to in those cases and doing this will end it all because being with you is like being at the morgue. He or she will feel lonely and most likely not sure what exactly is he done wrong. If this happens, he will stop coming home on time and will find comfort elsewhere.

The silent treatment or ice shoulder treatment are very dangerous on the long run. These moments require an exchange of feelings and warmth. This does not settle important issues in relationships. The more you do not talk about topics he or she cares about, the more he or she will lean towards leaving you alone for good and forever.

· You feel heartbroken

Yes, you are still dating but you are nursing a heartbreak. Confusion and frustration creeps in because you aren’t even broken up. But this can happen when you feel ignored or neglected. You do not expect this while in a relationship otherwise you are better off just being alone.

· You are doing all the work

This usually happens towards the beginning of the relationship. If you are feeling you are the only person that is trying to understand if you are going to make it, then you probably won’t. If they take forever to reply, they do not call or text first, give you attitude for stuff they do but when they do it it’s ok.

· You nag him/her

You’ll feel horrible nagging him or her about everything: why he never texts you back in a timely manner, why he or she not want to talk about things that are important to you, why does he or she not go to places with you… You need to be the best and MOST important part of someone’s world.

· They treat you horribly

They accuse you of being crazy when you voice your opinion or an issue you have. This kind of emotional manipulation is a a clear sign that your partner has no respect for your feelings. One who cares takes the time to understand and address issues.

· Not being a responsible adult

Kids can say things without understanding how that can be interpreted or taken. As an adult THINK how your actions and words will affect others.

· Past vs. Future

The past has made you who you are, but the future defines your life and the future is your new priority. If the future is a priority you must be able to burn the pictures of the past and stop whining and bitching about it. There are 3 stages to bad experiences: The bad itself, the healing and the present/future. Most people burn the bad but hold on to the healing. The first 2 must go out for the last one to strive!

· They are lying to you

You only lie in a relationship that is not high in priority. However insignificant, inconsistent stories and patterns are lies and are of major concern. You should never ask about something twice and get different answers. He or she can never tell a story twice with different details. Being secretive and closed is another kind of “untruthful” behavior. You never have to ask who was calling or who was texting.

When you are experiencing all or some of these, your insecurities are heightened, you are depressed and unhappy in burst of times. Any relationship MUST BE mutually beneficial and rewarding. It is not fair to anyone when a relationship lags on with unmatched expectations, personalities and priorities. Your bond is sacred and should be cherished.

If you have other priorities or see your significant other with priorities other than you — just let it go!

Nonverbal language is the key to any relationship.