Harvesting Insights — 5 Words
I was forty when my first son arrived. That was no coincidence. Had I started my family any earlier I am certain that my boys would not be growing into the young gentleman that they are today. Tonight, 12 odd years later, I will remember forever.
Tonight, I walked into the house from the garage to the sound of laughter in the kitchen. What better sound to walk in to?
Michael had his shirt pulled up over his belly and he said, “Look, I’ve got a one pack.” Although he was laughing, and in spite of the fact that he’s a great lookin’ kid, he has always been self conscious about his belly being, ‘too big’.
Truth be told, it’s been that way since he was a baby. I remember taking pictures of him when he was just a toddler, then sending them off to his doctor, wondering if there wasn’t a serious GI issue. At its worst, as early as 2 years old, he occasionally looked 9 months pregnant, then within hours he looked quite typical again.
Well, long story longer, this year’s self imposed ‘resolution’ was to become a fitter, strong, healthier kid. “Maybe we could go to the gym together Dad. Not every day, but maybe 2 or 3 days per week?” His resolution. His terms.
Back to the laughter. After looking at Michael with his shirt pulled up, and this being one of those time when, as the same gender parent, I knew that this was a time to show him that I love him, absolutely and unconditionally.
Unfortunately, after my most recent injuries, and with time away from triathlon training, I’m a good 15 pounds heavier than I want to be…and I’m FEELING it! I looked Michael in the eyes, then paused for a moment. I was thinking, “I know in my heart that he loves me, respects me, and admires me. I know that he watches me put in endless hours of training. I know that he has had tears in his eyes when I’ve crossed the finish-line at Ironman 70.3 California, St. George, and others.” Then, with my focus on him, and with a grin on my face, I pulled my shirt up, stuck out my belly a bit and said, “See buddy. I’ve got your back! We’ll work on it together, OK?”
That’s when he absolutely blew my mind. That’s when he said it. He looked up from what he was doing, for just a split second, and said, “5 words Dad. 5 words.” like it was nothing.
That phrase, “5 words”, has evolved over the thousands, yes, he’s 12…so literally thousands of hours spent tucking him in at night. Some nights are long and filled with growing pains, some are short and sweet. Other nights are just filled with peace, love, and comfort. Over those years, “I love you.” became, “I love you buddy.” Then it was “I love you to the moon.” Now he’s older. Right now, as a middle-schooler, it’s crucial that he knows, in his most challenging moments, that no matter what…I love him.
So what are those five words?
“Just the way you are.”
I showed him that I‘m self-conscious too, and that I’ve got weaknesses and doubts, and perceived imperfections too. His immediate, almost unconscious response was just that…
“5 words dad. 5 words.”
Those hours by his side for all of those years are showing now. It’s amazing to think that, very directly, I am the recipient of the love that I have given. I’m reaping what I’ve sewn. Love, the noun, is the fruit of Love, the verb.
We are not here to love our children for doing what we think is right. We are here to love our children because it’s the single greatest most inspiring, most transformative, nurturing act we could ever do for our children; for anyone for that matter. That love is worth more than any family vacation or a college tuition ever could be, and the absence of that love is the single most devastating and destructive force I’ve ever seen.
So love ’em with all of their imperfections. Love them for those imperfections. When they make mistakes, and they will, guide them, direct them, set expectations for them, challenge them, and love them just the way they are.
Mikey…you’re a special boy with a really sensitive and loving heart. I love you, son….5 words.
#harvestinginsights
Originally published at harvestinginsight.weebly.com.
