#itsdad ~ Tell Her that She’s Beautiful
Hi guys. It’s Dad.
An idea crossed my mind this morning after I dropped you off at school. It’s bugged me for a while so I want to share it with you. Yes, we do live in a beautiful country. I’m grateful for that, but this is one area where I think America has got it all wrong.
TV, movies, magazines, and most of all Social Media are constantly telling us what’s important, who’s cool, and who’s beautiful. They (the media, and what we refer to as “opinion leaders”) do this because they make money. They make money because we believe them.
Think about that for a moment. We let people tell us our own opinions. But doesn’t that make it…their opinions? We like this rap artist or that pair of shoes. We like this sports team or that actress…because they, the influencers, the opinion leaders, tell us to.
But hold on. Don’t you have your own opinion? Isn’t that what makes it…your opinion? Only you can know what is beautiful…to you.
We don’t choose what we’re attracted to. It just happens. You don’t have to check with anyone. You don’t have to ask your friends. You just know! It might be a boat or a waterfall. It might be a guitar or a sunset. It might be a handsome man or a pretty young lady. Beauty is natural, so don’t look to magazine covers to see what’s beautiful. Don’t watch reality TV. Don’t see what’s being sold to you as beautiful. See what’s truly beautiful to you.
As I run through the trails in the springtime I think of this. Do you know the difference between a flowering weed and a flowering plant? I don’t. They’re green…and they have pretty flowers. Does it even matter if it’s a weed or a plant? They’re both plants, and they both grow flowers. Right?
But which one is more beautiful? If you ask the florist, he’ll tell you that the expensive one is more beautiful, because that serves him. To me, the little wildflowers that line the single track trails are way prettier. They’re just there. They open up with the sunrise and go to bed with the sunset…whether we see them or not. That’s beautiful to me. How could a florist, or anyone else possibly know what’s beautiful to you? How could I for that matter?
When you grow just a little older and you find a young lady that you’re really attracted to, tell her and show her that she’s beautiful as she is…naturally. If she’s American, she’s probably already thinking that she’s not. Sadly, part of the $150 billion we spend on advertising each year in the US is spent convincing young women that they are too short or too tall or too curvy or not curvy enough or that their hair is too curly or too straight or the wrong color.
So…as gentlemen, let’s remind them just how wrong the red-carpet and magazine covers are. She doesn’t need to change her hair, or her skin, or her outfit. She’s beautiful just the way she is. If she wasn’t, you wouldn’t have been attracted to her in the first place, right? But you were…and you are. You’re attracted to who she is.
Was it her intelligence or her kindness that you’re attracted to? Is it her strong spirit or her sense of humor? Or is it a unique blend of all of those qualities that she holds? Something attracted you to her, and her to you; something beautiful, and nobody had to tell you what it was.
Sure, when you’re out on a date and her hair is just right and her makeup looks great — oh, and she’s wearing that cute outfit that you like so much, she looks beautiful! In those times, it natural and easy to say, “Wow! You look amazing tonight!” Of course! But what about when she goes to sleep? What about when her makeup comes off? What about when she wakes up in the morning with messy hair and wrinkly ol’ pajamas? Is she just as beautiful then? Did the beauty somehow leave her in the middle of the night like Cinderella’s chariot? Did she somehow, while you slept, become a different person or become less beautiful? Of course not.
She is the same person, with the same heart, the same mind, the same sense of humor, the same stubbornness that makes you laugh…and she has the same beauty. It’s the truth. I promise. If fact, if you really look at her deeply at those moments, she’s even more beautiful. Let me tell you why.
In those messy hair moments, those cranky moments of exhaustion, and those red-nosed moments when she’s not feeling well…there’s real beauty. It’s a special, very true, very special, and very precious beauty.
In those moments, she is unmasked. She’s not pretending. She is her authentic self. She is letting you in, showing you her true, authentic self, and that means that she trusts you. She trusts you with her heart and feels safe when she’s with you. She doesn’t have to pretend to be happy. She doesn’t have to “be at her best” every moment, because she knows that she can be herself with you…and what could be more beautiful than that?
So, in that moment; in those types of moments; tired, sick, disappointed…reminder that she’s beautiful, and tell her why. Remind her that she’s smart, or maybe that she makes you laugh. Maybe she inspires you to be a better you. Maybe she believes in you and challenges you to become a stronger man. Maybe when she touches you, or she leans on your shoulder, even if just for a moment, the weight of the world melts away. Whatever it is…reminder her that she is precious to you and that she is beautiful.
Protect her truest, most enduring beauty, boys. Protect what’s inside. Hide here eyes and her heart from the ridiculous standards and impossible expectations that our society has created. Tell her to not to believe the lies of the media. Those shows; those magazines get paid to make her feel bad about herself. They’ll tell her that her eyes are too small or her clothes are out of style. They’ll tell her that her abs aren’t flat enough and that her legs are too short. Protect her from those lies. She is, as God intended, perfect.
Maybe she’s tall. Maybe she’s not. Maybe she’s curvy, or maybe she’s not. One thing’s for sure. Her eyes are unique. There aren’t any other eyes like hers. Her hair is perfect, straight or curly, long or short, blonde, brown, red, or gray. It’s perfect.
In the very beginning, be drawn to your partner for who she really is, and that will stand the test of time. We all age. Our skin loses its softness. We get sick. Through illness or accident, we may even become disfigured. Our bodies change, and there’s no way around that. Of course, we’re attracted to physical beauty. We’re human beings! But only being attached to someone because they’re “cute” will surely lead to broken hearts down the road if there’s nothing inside to support it. Our outward beauty is something that will always leave us. It’s something that we don’t ever actually have. We just borrow it, and someday we’ll have to give it back. So don’t grow too attached to it. It’s about heart and character and respect and admiration and joy.
A woman’s body also changes when she gives birth to your children. That’s the way God made it! But on TV, in movies, magazines, and on social media, these changes are criticized, sending young women running to surgeons to get those changes “fixed”. It breaks my heart. Those changes should be embraced, revered, and respected, not shamed, hidden, and criticized. Those changes are proof of the sacrifice she made in order to bring life into this world and into your life. Now THAT is beautiful. Oh yeah, one more thing boys. Remember that we age too. We’ll get older, and slower, and less muscular, and probably bald! So keep that in mind. :)
That inner beauty though; that beauty that took you beyond physical attraction and made you fall in love; that beauty that made your heartache when you were apart…that beauty never goes away. Like a rose bush; the more you tend to it, the more beautifully it grows.
Boys, I want you to appreciate the only timeless beauty that ever exists…and that beauty is deeper than the skin.
Look for it.
See it.
Appreciate it.
…and tell her she’s beautiful.
I love you,
Dad
