the Aftermath
How Phish Tour Changed Me as a Musician
I have noticed that when I go to see any concert I am inspired in some way, shape, or form. When I see a Phish concert I am inspired more than with most any other act, therefore when I go to a series of Phish shows or a whole tour I come away with with a full or even overflowing tank of creative fuel.
Throughout my musical career I have noticed that sometimes the more you practice the worse you become. This is primarily due to the methods of practice. Running scales and exercises do not put you more in touch with the act of playing music, in fact, these methods can serve to remove your musical mind from the act of playing music and replace it with rote muscle memory, devoid of any soul. To the contrary I have noticed that when I take time away from my instrument (days or weeks but not too long) I come back playing “better” perhaps not on a technical level but it feels more connected authentic and real. I believe this is because the time off forces your musical mind to regain control from your skeletal muscles. Thus your playing becomes more connected with your spiritual being.
This may be one of the many differences between an athlete and musician. The athlete rarely ever improves when he/she takes time off because sports require physical superiority for maximum result. Music on the other hand requires mental and spiritual superiority for maximum result. It also requires relaxation and a steady flow of alpha-waves in the brain. It is in this way that simply living life, or even further, living life striving for an enlightened state improves one’s musicality without the aid of an instrument.
When I returned from my New Years run last year to play my first show back at the Pour House I discovered I had ability to harness the magical energy that had been bestowed upon me by Phish. I found it lurking all around the perimeters of my soul and it’s presence there comforted me in a way that many of you know but have not experienced applied in a musical setting. I felt relaxed and free from judgement, judgement from my self or others. I knew I had earned the chance to speak via music much as I felt as a high-school art student consciously studying ten times the art that I put out.
This summer I saw 17 shows. Even now, over a week later I am still psychologically swimming in a tranquil sea of contentment. I went three weeks without practicing the guitar. My longest stretch in years. Yet, my first show back I picked up the guitar and it felt more a part of me than ever. I didn’t care about speed or flashiness or what anyone else was thinking about what I was playing. I only cared about tapping into the energy that surrounds my being and transmitting it clearly for others.
As I looked out at the crowd I could see at first stares and feel attention being focused on me. As I began to improvise I quickly realized that what I was feeling was being transmitted. I could see it in the audience member’s eyes. When I felt a tear welling up from my soul I could see it quickly glaze over the eyes of the person I was connecting to with my gaze. Thus I was assured in my transmission’s success. Most every note that I played rang out in my head and from my amplifier simultaneously, creating a resonance between my soul and instrument. Creating spiritual overtones that could be perceived by uncharted sensory receptors in the audience.
I also felt the difference after the show. People approached me in a much more reverent way than I am accustomed to. Usually it’s a hyper-energy bro-ey “You guys kick ass!” This time I could sense tears near the surface of my audience and spiritual elation. The feeling that I experienced as an audience member after a great Phish show when I was tapped in. One long-time audience member walked up to me a hugged me. He couldn’t speak. I looked into his eyes and I could see tears forming, subsequently I could feel them forming in mine. We looked at each other silently and there was a mutual recognition that this time was different. I hope it stays this way.
I didn’t feel hyper and amped up in a physical way after playing this show as I usually do. I felt expanded in a spiritual way. Calm, relaxed, caring, loving, ready to bond, ready to share, ready to feel. I felt love all around me, the love I felt on Phish tour. The love I hope to never lose again. Pure, truth, authentic, honest, love. The love of the universe. I had harnessed this love on tour and bottled it. Now I was passing out drinks to share with the world with no thought of personal compensation. And that is why I was rewarded so. I wanted not.
