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Well, it happened. I signed up on a dating app for the first time. Okay, okay. It’s not exactly the first time. Two days after my boyfriend of 5 years, who emotionally cheated on me and broke up with me via email (…yeah, no joke), I immediately thought OkCupid was going to save me from 6 months of depression and misery.

Spoiler: it wasn’t.

Any who, I scrambled up some excuse for a profile, which consisted of a mere sentence under “About Me,” and one single picture. I quickly found out: that is a blatant sign that you’re a baby fawn in the new world of online dating…or a murderer. I wasn’t looking for a new boyfriend to replace the spineless bastard (let’s call him Steve) that broke my heart (can someone say bitter?). I wasn’t even looking for a rebound. I simply wanted to confirm that I could be attracted to other men. Furthermore, that other men could be attracted to me. I needed some life-line of hope that I would find happiness again. Having never been through a break-up of this magnitude before, I honestly wasn’t sure I could survive.

Suck it, Steve, I survived and I’m killing it!

So, I started talking to a few guys. And I’m not gonna lie — it was real nice. After 5 years of dying to have some kind of an emotional conversation with my robot-ex, finally someone wanted to hear what I thought and how I viewed life. I know, crazy. I never even went on a date. I was completely upfront and honest that I was heartbroken and just looking to talk to people (preferably hotties with bodies, who compliment me, while also reiterating that my ex was a fool to let me go). And it worked. I found out there were a bunch of men out there who were looking pretty fire. There was this one guy whom I actually started to get really attached to. I started to realize that this might not be the best time for me to get involved with someone emotionally. And when I say I started to realize, I mean my therapist said, “slow down, crazy.” And I did. I told the hot, Navy guy who loved dogs that I wasn’t ready for this, but it was so nice talking to him and I truly appreciated all of his support. And if I am ever back on the site, I’ll look him up. But I never did. Who knows, maybe I’ll reach out to him. Maybe we are meant to be. Maybe not.

Flash forward almost half a year later: I am ready. I’m ready to get back out there. And somehow, I have found myself on OkCupid for the second time ever. But first, I’ll explain a little more of the background and my journey to this point.