Adventure — 12/365

A couple of days ago someone asked me “so are you going to be able to pay the rent this month?”.

I said “Not sure yet. I hope so!”.

They said “So you might get kicked out of your house this month? You might be homeless?”.

I said “Yes. I might be. But I might not be.”.

“So when is your rent due?”.

“About ten days time”.

“But you don’t have the money?”.

“Not yet! But I’m doing everything I can!”.

“So you’ve got 10 days to find £800 otherwise you’re homeless?”.

“Yes I suppose so!”.

Which all in all made me a bit mad.

It’s true that the last year of my life has been a slow but steady slide towards business insolvency and personal bankruptcy. And it’s true that at the moment I have roughly, depending on what I can find down the back of the sofa, £18 to my name. And it’s also true that I need to raise £800 for my rent by the end of the week otherwise I’m out.

But the thing is. Even though all of that, and so much more, is true, I still have the ability to laugh. I still have the ability to make silly faces at my children and I still have the ability to love another human.

Because no matter where I’m living, how much money I’ve got and who gives a damn, I can still smile.

Yes, there are a whole crap-stack of negatives right now. But there are also a bunch of positives.

Too often we give way more power to negatives than positives. We let another persons good deeds get obliterated by one bad, but never the other way around. Mistakes are held over others like a guillotine whilst kindness is forgotten in a heart beat.

And we too often focus on the negatives in a situation. For sure, we need to see them, be aware of them and act on them when we can. But focus solely on them? Why the heck would you do that? I’m not saying we should be recklessly naive about our future, our children, those that we love, our money or our responsibilities. Rather, that we can choose what we put our energy in to. And preferably we send it where it can actually make a blind bit of difference.

Buddhist monk, Śāntideva had the right idea:

“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.”

And he’s dead right.

So if the problem can not be solved by us and we have done everything we can in that area, what good is there focussing on the problem any further? And of course, if it can be solved, quit whining and go solve it weirdo.

I have felt that if I’m not actively showing myself and those around me how stressed I am, how awful it all is or how brave I’m being in the face of obviously the worst situation a human has ever had to face (please please please see the irony of that…) then I’m not really caring about it. I’m not being responsible or adult about it. Because grown ups are stressed right? They have stressful lives and stressful events and stressful marriages. Right?

Right?

Well then call me Peter Pan because I’m not interested in that thank you very much.

Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to pick my son up from school tomorrow and use some of that £18 to take him swimming. And we’re going to laugh and smile and have fun. And all those “problems” can stay outside while I ignore them for a hour or two and pretend to be a shark.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to enjoy my life.