What to do when you’re stuck


I didn’t send my newsletter out last week. I hadn’t drop-dead promised anyone that I’d send it each week, but that’s an expectation I have set for myself and I felt disappointed that it didn’t happen.

Rather than beat myself up about it, which is what I typically do, I thought I’d explore a little and remind all of us that perfectionism is rarely a friend.

I think of my newsletter as an intimate weekly cocktail-party discussion. In fact, several of my readers have told me that’s what it feels like. They look forward to our chats. Last week I didn’t think I had an idea worthy of “impressing them” enough. Result? Rather than sending out my work and maybe introducing someone to a new idea, I sent nothing.

I set an unreasonably high standard for myself. You do it too. We all do — all the time. I see it everywhere. The fund drive didn’t raise enough money. The product launch should have been so much better. The kitchen doesn’t look like the one on Pinterest. I’m 30 pounds overweight.

So what do we do? Nothing. Paralyzed by fear or indecision, we wait for perfect–then beat ourselves up all the while.

Bullshit.

Here are some simple steps to follow when you’re feeling stuck:

Get quiet

  • Take a short, mindful break from wherever you are. Go for a walk, close your eyes, reach up and hit the power button on your monitor or close your laptop…. Anything to interrupt the flow of what’s happening.
  • I do a cartwheel. It’s kind of hilarious. Especially if I’m wearing a suit.

Listen (seriously, shut the hell up and really listen)

  • Everyone has an inner voice as a guide. Listen for it. Seek it out. If you’re unsure of what I mean, try doing a cartwheel first. It’s fun to see what comes up when you’re on that walk (or your brain is whizzing about like a snow globe). Listen for your excitement–your joy. What excites you? It might be completely unrelated to what you’re doing. That’s ok! Your inner voice is there for a reason. It will guide you. Heed it.

Move toward your joy

  • The happiest person I’ve ever met used to be a prison guard in Detroit. Surrounded by misery and negativity in one of the grittiest places on earth at that time, he taught me how he transformed himself. “It’s easy,” he said, “just move toward your joy.” Today, he does soulful work installing native landscapes and producing indie movies. He is building a tiny house community, and does improv. He’s often exhausted and almost always has a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.
  • If you are an accountant struggling with cash flow projections and you just did your cartwheel, maybe the joy that came to your mind was children. Take one small step toward anything to do with children.
  • Take your niece to a movie
  • Call the Boys club / Girls club and ask how you can help
  • Spend 15 minutes on GoFundMe and find a cause benefitting a kid. Donate $10.

That’s all. When you’re stuck, you have the tools you need to get unstuck. One small step toward your joy feels good but won’t last. So take another. Pretty soon…. get where I’m going? Grant permission to shrug off the bullshit unrealistic expectations you put on yourself and simply move toward your joy.

One step. One tiny step is all. Just take one little step toward it. You’ll be rewarded.

Speaking of rewarded, a huge joy for me is speaking. One day, I’ll get to do my TED Talk. I’ve now spent a few years moving toward what excites me, and look what happened…I’ve been rewarded.

December 28th, I was the guest speaker at a church in St. Petersburg and the topic was “gifts — what are they, really?” (The church didn’t know it, but they got a TED Talk)

In researching my presentation, I came across the Howard Thurman quote:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”

I like that quote. My cartwheel worked.

Until next time, I’m off to change the world.

Cheers!
AC

This originally appeared in Prolificate: The Newsletter

Photo credit Sudiono Muji and Unsplash