The problem with “fake it until you make it”
W e fear the kind of honesty that would set us free. We cloak our frailties in the shadows of our truth, rather than the truth itself. Not an outright lie, just one shade from reality so as to be more acceptable.
We pave our roads with the stones of subtle illusions in hopes they will give us the sturdy footing we seek, falling prey to the beloved adage and believing we can truly “fake it until we make it.”
It begs the question, where are we trying to “make it” and will this faking it ever lead us there?
This well-meant advice resonates with us, because it creates a sense of insulation from the cold of the world’s rejection. If we never unveil the whole, only pieces are vulnerable to the critics.
But in this mode we drift and drift further from ourselves. Every choice we make to paint over ourselves angles us just a bit further from our core, and with this drifting comes the nagging anxiety buzzing around our ear like a pesky fly: we are frauds.
There are two caves that wind deep and down within us we must explore to the very ends in order to understand the nature of our self-betrayal.
The first cave is fear, a cave we find ourselves in often, but one we rarely venture into by choice. We fear the darkness, fear the nothingness we might find. We fear the gnarly edges and sudden drops that might be the end of us. If we push deep into the cave of fear to feel its rough walls on our hands and uneven floors on our feet, we are terrified we might never reemerge.
But, as we become aware of the true cost of our dishonesty it spurs us deeper into the fear cave to understand the root. We go down, down, deeper and deeper until we arrive at the source and look the beast in its jet-black eyes.
The beast at the center of our cave is the fear of finding ourselves utterly alone. This is the ultimate reason we live in the shadows of ourselves. This is why we allow the slow drift. We are afraid if we showed ourselves plainly in every moment, without bending to the expectations of others, we would find ourselves abandoned in the darkness at the bottom of our cave.
We must go there willfully, sit indian style, and have a conversation with our fear.
This brings us to the second cave, the cave of desire. We find ourselves here in our daydreams and often get caught up in the exploration of our desire cave. We run through it with wonder, excitedly taking in all the potential futures it offers. Like a child we suspend our realism and sprint down desire’s idealistic corridors.
Then, a moment comes that steals our attention and we remind ourselves of the danger. All our past disappointments rush through our mind and skew the walls of our cave, until like a bubble the desire pops and we find ourselves back in the dull land we call “normal life” where little is possible and it’s best not to let hopes grow too large.
But, when we chase desire as far as we can, to the very center of the cave, we discover the pure source of all our desires. We find a reality where everything is actually limitless and all of our longings have stemmed from a desire to live wholeheartedly without apology. To be seen and known exactly as we are and for the entirety of ourselves to be loved and cherished.
When we scrape the bottoms of these two caves we’re faced with one option. Faking it cannot lead us to the place we’re trying to make it to. Faking it is antithetical to living wholeheartedly and being known.
Break away the veil, tear it to shreds. Shed light on the illusions so only what is real remains. The place we truly desire to make it to is on the other side of willful exposure. This is our one option.
