Dear Lisa,

I have a new business venture that is right up your alley. It’s an exclusive opportunity and I have hand picked only you to discuss it with. Due to the highly competitive field and secretive nature of the opportunity, we can only talk about it at my penthouse with some wine tonight. A very smart girl would take this chance immediately.


Hey there! I saw your amazing blog post about “Why do men think they can use any medium to hit on women?” and I had to reach out and congratulate you on the piece. You nailed…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The executive team of struggling startup replaced one of its core values “Family” with “Revenue”.

“We wanted to demonstrate more seriousness in finding our path to growth and profitability,” co-founder and CEO Bill Stedler told reporters. “We just need to remind everyone that while treating everyone as family is important, revenue growth is actually a tiny bit more important.”

“Too often, our decisions erred on the side of helping and supporting each other as team mates instead of focusing on immediately doubling or tripling revenue,” VP of People Operations Carol Steinkatz said. …

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—As Burning Man, the annual gathering that celebrates self-expression, inclusion, and acceptance comes to an end, the tech community returns to its usual asshole roots.

“Burning Man is about radical inclusion and accepting everyone regardless of their backgrounds or situations,” Sally Rhinegold told reporters, as she made a hasty beeline from a speakeasy cocktail bar to her Uber in the Tenderloin neighborhood. “Everyone deserves to be loved.”

“You realize that life is about giving more than taking, producing more than consuming,” Brian Murphy said, while he accepted his $5 latte and hesitated for a moment before pressing “$0”…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — On the first day following No Meeting June, CEO Terry Lam gathered his company for a mandatory emergency All-Hands meeting to announce the start of “We Have No Clue What We’re Doing July”.

“Traffic to our site is flat, sales have dropped dramatically, and product hasn’t shipped anything in weeks,” Lam disclosed to his 150 employees. Amidst the anxious murmurs, however, he assured that they at least “were able to focus for long stretches of uninterrupted time.”

“We had a two two-week sprints with no meetings. By the end, not only did we fail to meet…

PALO ALTO, CA — Martin Jones, senior managing partner of Hexadecimal Ventures, denies his history of overt sexism by sexually assaulting his first male founder. Jones, who has received numerous criticisms for making unwanted sexual advances towards women, dismissed all attacks on his character by announcing that his most recent investment in Mama Bird’s Series A involved him giving the all male founding team “a round of deserving hand jobs.”

“See? I don’t treat women differently,” Jones claimed, while admitting to his nonconsensual sexual advances in a professional setting to both women and men. “I’d like to reiterate that, while…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—BoomMail, a marketing automation startup, reportedly marked their commitment to both non-binary gender acceptance and equality by replacing their men’s and women’s bathrooms with one, large genderless bucket. “We’ve said that we check our gender at the door. Now, it’s time we put our money where our mouth is,” Randy Parker, the company’s CEO, announced at the weekly All-Hands meeting. “And our non-heteronormative human waste where the bucket is.”

“BoomMail’s level of commitment to workplace equality is what inspired me to join,” Carl Simmons noted, as he casually squatted over the bucket and pinched out a loaf. “Hey…

SAN JOSE, CA—Though Brad Dagan is a loving husband, generous father of three, well-respected community figure, and VP of Operations at a regional bank, his most valued contribution to society is his online personal data, sources confirmed.

“We’ve been married over twenty years and he’s an extraordinary, loving father with only goodness in his being,” his wife, Maria, told reporters. “But those all pale in comparison to the value of his personal data,” she continued, indicating they allow thousands of e-commerce businesses to optimize their digital marketing campaigns to improve conversions.

Dagan, an exemplary leader within the local community, also…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Lee Burnidge, Head of Partnerships at, was reportedly ambling through the 360° Thinking Summit 2017 exhibition hall, announcing his enthusiasm to explore “creating potential value” to anything alive. “You have data, we have data, and, combined, our data will be more valuable,” Burnidge, mid-30’s and dressed in an oversized blazer and blue jeans, outwardly exclaimed to nobody in particular, while onlookers staffed at booths actively avoided eye contact. “Who doesn’t like data?”

Though the exhibition hall was filled with laughter, conversations, and sales opportunities being created, there was a noticeable absence of not only any business activity…

I recently came across this post, “My chat bot found my wallet”, and was inspired to build my own chat bot (copied shamelessly — thanks Adrian!). Here’s what I learned about designing conversational interfaces throughout building my own.

Help users get started

Give users the biggest decisions up front.

Some chat bots allow users to type whatever they want as a response. While it’s technically impressive to parse natural language, sometimes the sheer abundance of options, as well as not knowing the available inputs, overwhelms me as a user. I just don’t know what I am capable of doing, or even worse, why I should be doing it. …

Obviously, every successful, hyper-growth tech company needs both SEO Specialists and Tarot Psychics. This handy quiz will help you tell the difference so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of Brad again.

Below are lines pulled from their job descriptions. Does the description match the job of an SEO specialist or a Tarot Psychic?


  1. Foretells potential mythical penalizations from key search engines with routine SEO audits
  2. Leverages quantitative skills and the Elemental Dignities to identify and reveal unaspected Tarot cards
  3. Familiar with the various approaches to present key information, including the Mission, Celtic Cross, and the 5-card spread
  4. Proficiency with…

Andy Jiang

writer, comic, engineer. poking out of my bamboo cage.

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