«I pretended to be another on the internet » : Identity games between “soul mates”

Social relations today respond to certain types of dynamics. And with technology they have become even more dynamic. There are people who rely on an instinct of survival and protection (as if they were building their identity from how many attacks they receive), others that are based on a more fluid instinct to relate and others that seek to calculate every inch of their existence and to do everything possible for not allowing themselves to be consumed by the fear or anxiety that comes to generate the uncertainty of their dailylife. Sometimes I come to think ( but it does not apply in all contexts) that the need to have everything under control in an idea of calculating perfectionism responds to a natural insecurity of the person. But, it´s just my perception . Now, others show themselves as they are (no matter what others say or think ) and others are a bit restrained because they live on the perceptions of others and to please everyone, as if they were building their identity from the opinions of other people.
My question is : Why are there people who care more in “fitting in” instead of just being? And I ask this because I have come to perceive that the need of some people to want to destroy others , in the end, responds to the need to be accepted in a group and, in other cases, the need to want to “reduce” others is nothing more than the manifestation of some kind of inferiority complex that they express in the form of anger, envy, jealousy, restlessness, insecurity or fear. Really? In the internet, this game of identities manifests itself with greater intensity and, in some cases, it turns into a drama. I was recently reading a case in which a woman and a man were flirting through their social networks.
The man considered the woman his “soul mate” and a free spirit woman, and the woman also thought the same about him. They had never seen each other before , they were just hiding themselves behind a screen. The woman only showed what she wanted the man to see from her and the man also did the same. Apparently the connection between these two was very strong, but the reality is that it was a connection between masks. He was encouraged to write her and when they began to speak they touched on topics that they considered deep : They talked about their plans, their future projects, the studies they had, their works, their family, the things they liked and so on. There were many women who wanted to get the man’s attention, but the man was only interested in one. And the same happened with the woman: There were men who wanted to get her attention but she only was interested in that man : What shines on its own does not need to attract attention in unnecessary ways, I think. Furthermore, there were men who did as if the woman did not exist to, in theory, “not make her ego grow” , the woman clearly perceived it and this did not really matter to the woman, because she knew what she was. After so much time talking through a screen and flirting under what in the story they call a “lovely fun”, there was a day that was the trigger for the man to realize that everything was a game , and the woman’s sense of guilt and remorse grew because she was so “cruel” (as she describes herself) with him.
“Horrified, I realized that I had been playing with a real, fragile, sensitive human being who was sure to break his heart. What could I do? Confess everything and risk me to relapse into his depression? Disappear without a trace? For several days I did not sleep, I did not eat. The feeling of guilt was killing my spirit.” The woman said.
But the woman made a decision. He spoke with the man’s mother confidentially and in a sea of tears told him the truth: The person he was talking to through the screen was a created identity, a mask. The man´s mother asked her not to talk to the man again and the woman regretted not having measured the consequences of her game, because the man grew in his depression. This is a story that makes it clear that not everything that is seen on the internet is as it is shown, that there are pitfalls that few people identify and, likewise, poses the dilemma of “playing” at the expense of deception to be accepted . Really? The sun does not need to convince anyone of its value .
“I pretended to be another on the internet.” The woman finished.
The mask falls.
Regina Angarita


