How putting myself first set me free

I like to give, help, support, acknowledge, advise, please, foster…Basically, I like to give my time and energy to the people I care about. It makes me feel good and accomplished. Maybe that’s why I felt lost when I first left. How could I be who I was if there was no one there to see my actions and to appreciate them?
Whether I wanted it or not, the past three months were for me. I could do what I wanted to do — but what was that? I could go where I wanted to go — but where was that? To be honest: At first it felt weird, if not even wrong that there was no one else to consider, no one else to care about. It dawned on me: It was all on me. But what was I to do with that much freedom?
After initial insecurity, I got used to it very quickly. It was amazing to put my own wants and needs first for once and to watch how my heart and mind slowly but surely began to settle in grateful contentment. It made me live more authentically; suddenly it wasn’t about seeing or being seen anymore, I simply was. I was, and by taking in all of natures senses, by aweing at the wonders of the world, I even became more. Inspiration tingled my fingertips and bubbled out of them, resulting in beautiful pictures of memories and personal texts of truthful reflection.
It made me feel good. It made me feel accomplished. I realized: I can give others and myself. I can help, support, acknowledge, advise, please, foster others but also myself. I can do both. Actually, I should do both. And it feels liberating to say: I owe it to no one but myself.
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