Using This Word Will Change Your Life!
Oh Yes It Will!
I was recently in the company of the gorgeous 11 month old, Sophia. She sat quietly on her mom's lap staring transfixed at the candle alight on the table. She made no move to touch the candle, simply mesmerised by the flame.
What I found so interesting was how often the adults at the table told her, “NO, hot Sophia.” There was no indication that she wanted to touch the flame but regardless, the NO was constantly reinforced.
She then crawled into the kitchen and displayed the usual inquisitive curiosity that toddlers do. When she arrived before the oven she was once again told, “NO, hot Sophia.”
Well this is where I have a small problem. Firstly, she was told a lie. The oven was not hot and when I asked her mother about that, I was informed that she needs to learn to beware of the oven so she doesn’t burn herself. Secondly, why was it necessary to reinforce the NO when there was no imminent danger?
This started me thinking about when, where and why we reinforce the NO in our lives. It seems, this is one of the first words we hear and one of the first we learn to speak.
As adults, do we not realise the negative connotation of this reinforcement? I am by no means saying that children should not be taught boundaries, or discipline or learn the difference between yes, no, right, and wrong. I am saying that we need to be more conscious and aware in our communication and not so quick to introduce and reinforce the NO.
Every sound-minded parent wants to protect their children and see them thrive; but do they fully appreciate the limitless potential that resides within that little body? It is possible to hold off on the constant NO, NO, NO and simply allow a HELL YES! to come through.
Likewise, I have seen shockingly bad parenting where the adult absconded their responsibility and allowed the child to make every decision and do whatever they want. This is where balance, discretion and wisdom needs application in parenting.
There is no licence to buy, exam to write, or university to attend where one can become a super parent and most times it’s learning by doing, praying like crazy not to mess up and repeating the behaviours we learnt from our own parents.
How often is NO more about our own fear than a boundary or discipline?
With Sophia, her mom was afraid that she would one-day burn herself so she was being taught to fear a possibility, rather than an event, which was present.
I recently watched a great TED talk from Takaharu Tezuka who designed a brilliant kindergarten in Tokyo. He spoke of children needing small dosages of danger so they can learn to help others in society. He also said,
“Don’t control them, don’t protect them too much. They do tumble sometimes, they do get some injuries, and this makes them learn how to live in this world.”
I was thinking; what if this generation of children became the YES! generation. What if they were raised with the full understanding of their potential, learning to take risks, learning to engage with their fear and overcome it anyway? What if we, as adults, did not reinforce our own fears through NO? What if we allowed the expansiveness and potential and love of YES! to be more present in our minds and conversation.
Ask yourself,
Where am I saying NO too often. How am I limiting myself?
Imagine how it would feel to allow a YES! in, instead of that limiting, fear based NO.
It is not easy to overcome fear or limitations especially those of our own making because they are so entrenched. Take a small step today, say it loud and clear — YES! where you would like to say NO.
Allow the potential that is yours to flow. Allow possibilities, set creation in motion.
I know I want more love and YES! in my life. Join me in letting go of fear and NO!
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