“Where I want to go”
In a society that condemns those who do not “adapt”, who come out of the sow and do not respect the social norms, daily life presents some pitfalls that we must learn to recognize and expose not to become victims.
When you’re a single and forty, it is often difficult to wake up in the morning and feel “all right.” Probably you don’t have family responsibilities, to care for someone, or just someone to hang out with during the weekend.
You are not framed, placed in a coded system. And you have more ‘time to think.
A negative feeling takes hold of you, you feel bad, empty, incomplete. Why is it necessary to conform to feel normal? Did we really fail in life and couldn’t obtain those “things” that give meaning to our days, or is the issue more subtle and insidious? We can shape ourselves by establishing an agenda, a schedule of things to do but that simply keeps us “busy”. We’re just running away, trying not to think about the underlying problem. What is that feeling of emptiness?
The first bête noire that we face is the sense of solitude. You must feel it first. Go inside of it. Face it, listen to what it is saying…to the sensations it is giving you. Look in the mirror and say: “I am alone now, at this moment in my life, in this room”.
It’s painful but it’s just a phase, and this bête noire becomes small and insignificant when you stand face to face with it. It then loses its mythic power. It reveals the true nature of the discomfort: we observe ourselves for the first time and we sense that we’ve never known and listened enough to our true self, that instead of befriending our nature and our talents, we have conformed to a system that wants us all equal.
That sense of emptiness that assails us the moment we stop all of our activities, on weekends, during breaks from others, or in the evening. This crisis often occurs between lovers, after a breakup, along with other failures or even a sudden change in the direction of one’s life. It is always the truth that enters while tiptoeing and observing us closely from behind. That sense of emptiness is an alarm intended to wake us up.
Loneliness in this new light acquires a diametrically different value: It becomes a tool. Loneliness, and being “alone” are opportunities to understand and listen to what your heart truly longs for. I propose the phrase “with himself” become the substitute for the word “loneliness.”
I’m not alone, I’m “with myself”. In adulthood this moment with ourselves is surprisingly advantageous. As adults, we get to re-learn the art of listening to ourselves. Here the crisis becomes an opportunity of inquiry that teaches us to reconnect to our authentic selves. We can learn to trust our instincts which guide us along Life’s journey with a sense of clear direction: yes or no, go or stay, cold — hot.
“For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return”. Leonardo da Vinci
I am on a path, looking for my truths every day. I’m an unrepentant flight attendant in my soul and always will be.
Being a Flight Attendant is not a job but a lifestyle. It becomes a way of “feeling” life. Its beauty lies in seeing things from another perspective.
Constantly traveling satisfies the desires of discovery, curiosity and knowledge. It means living life more intensely but at high-speed. The life style of a flight attendant does not facilitate a normal social life. You’re on your own, and loneliness is the norm.
The contradiction with being a Flight Attendant for so many years remains ever present in me as both a sense of constant loneliness, and an overwhelming desire for discovery.
But in this apparent game of opposites I’ve learned just to be myself, do the things I really like, and calibrate life choices based on what makes me feel alive. It takes courage to be yourself all the way. I discovered that my joy stems from the desire another adventure, into another world, where I can quench my curiosities, and discover new depths of myself. My bliss comes from self-discovery.
Through life’s challenges my own true nature, and potential are revealed which then allow me to do things I once thought impossible. Experience has taught me that there are no limits to what you can decide to be.