Little boxes of pleasure

Why we’re addicted to our devices

I’m always fascinated by studies that explain why we do what we do. And listening to NPR yesterday morning, I had quite an “ah-ha” about why we’re so addicted to our devices.

In my work with clients, I routinely ask them to turn off all the alerts from their various mobile devices. No more dings, beeps, buzzes, vibrations, bells, etc.

And mostly they refuse.

And until now, I thought they refused because of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

Turns out, my wonderful and smart clients refused to turn those things off because of pleasure. Because of the possibility of pleasure.

Wow.

See, whenever we’re near these devices (phone, tablet, laptop, etc.), we’ve trained our brains to respond to the noises they make. And whenever we hear them – or even THINK about them – our brains release a little shot of dopamine, the pleasure hormone. It makes us feel gooooood.

So, I’m fighting an uphill battle aren’t I, when I ask clients to turn off those alerts. After all, why should we deny ourselves pleasure?

Except….

Too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. It becomes distracting. All consuming. Addicting even.

Everything in moderation, I say.

I fully understand the value of these little pleasure boxes. Yet, I also understand the other side – the Dark Side.

The Dark Side is dangerous, damaging, and can be deadly in some circumstances. Think: texting and driving or even checking email while driving.

More importantly, it’s damaging to a relationship when you ignore or give half your attention to the person in front of you because you’re reacting to the noises the pleasure box is making.

I’d wager we’ve gotten the pleasure equation wrong. We should find pleasure in relationships. Get a little blast of dopamine when our kids smile at us, when our pets greet us at the door. When we gather with our team each day. When we hug our families. When we see our favorite clients.

Not when we’re clutching or touching those shiny pleasure boxes.

My request to you today: spend 10 minutes turning off those alerts. Decide instead how to shower the people around you with your full attention. Decide instead to focus on the work you do to serve the people around you. They deserve the best of your attention.

Make some room,

Angie

P.S. It was absolutely no accident that while I was typing this, my kitten crawled into my lap for some petting time. I deliberately chose to stop writing this and give him some love. And the dopamine rush I got from it? Divine!

P.P.S. I will share that it’s part of my passion and mission in life and work to change society’s focus from “stuff” to a focus on people and relationships. I believe we give too much energy to our stuff and don’t invest enough in the people right in front of us. Simplifying, organizing, and being deliberate with how we spend our time is deeply important to me and is part of the way I hope to impact you (and the world).