Mourning and loss
Mourning the loss of a loved one, family member, friend or colleague is difficult and very painful. When we lose a loved one, we go through the whole process of mourning. When the loss is sudden or tragic, the mourning process can be even more difficult. As we make our way through it, it’s important to know what is happening to us and how we can help ourselves.
The mourning process.
The emotions and symptoms of grief can take many forms and are very individual. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and there is no time limit within which we should “fit.” It is important that we take the time to go through these phases, be aware of them and allow ourselves to feel our emotions.
As a rule, there are 5 stages of mourning. We do not have to go through them on a specific date, sequence, duration or even experience. Today we know that not all stages MUST occur to EVERYONE, but when something occurs it is usually one of these 5 stages.
DISCLAIMER: In this phase, we get shocked and find it hard to believe that someone is dead. It is difficult to accept this fact, we can ignore it or pretend nothing happened. Denial occurs to save us from sudden and immediate pain and the intensity of the loss.
BARGAINING: At this stage, we are very focused on whether there was any way we could prevent the loss or what else the deceased might have done. Sometimes we try to bargain with God for our life or health. You may feel very guilty.
ANGER: In this phase, we begin to realize that we have absolutely no control over the loss. We can cut off and argue with loved ones, ridicule someone’s faith. We may feel angry that the deceased has left us. It may also happen that we blame others for not preventing the death of a loved one.
DEPRESSION: We now fully realize that we have experienced a loss. This phase manifests itself in the same way as “clinical” depression: e.g. trouble sleeping, lack of energy, crying, etc.
ACCEPTANCE: We begin to understand what loss means to us and we begin to move forward at the same time. We have integrated the loss into life experiences. We have worked through our emotions, regret, and mourning, and we end up suffering.
Do not be afraid to use the help of a specialist then!
Coping with Loss.
The mourning process may be different for each of us. What works for you may not necessarily work for someone else. Dealing with your loss and bereavement is based on what helps YOU, not on figuring out how “should” be grief.
Below are some ways to deal with grief. Step by step. Breathe after breath.
SUPPORT SYSTEM: We may feel that we are alone in suffering, but this is not true. There are other people in our lives who can and are ready to support us. Family, friends, therapist, religious group, whoever comes to mind.
EXPRESS YOUR FEELING: Don’t be afraid to tell others how you feel. Let us express emotions. There are no good or bad emotions to feel. If it is difficult for us to speak — write, draw, etc. It is very important to become aware of your emotions in order to deal with the loss.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: When we are faced with a difficult situation, it is very easy to forget about ourselves. It is important that we eat and sleep properly. It’s okay to just take a “break” from your grief sometimes. Sometimes we need a breakdown. Keeping yourself healthy helps you deal with the loss more easily. Avoid alcohol and other drugs that only stop us from moving on.
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU: Each of us has a different way of coping. Some people have to go to a funeral to have a kind of “closure.” Others are unable to bear funerals but engage in other ways to commemorate the deceased. They support foundations, plant trees and write. Whatever helps us deal with loss in a healthy and productive way is good and acceptable.
PLAN THE FUTURE: When we lose a loved one, there come days such as anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays that increase emotions. It’s completely natural and we can all expect it. Make plans in advance how you will spend these days to make them a little more bearable.
