My sixth journal (for the second quarter):
“WORKS THAT HAS COMPELLED ME”
I have a lot going on right now. This week has been so stressful. We had a lot of projects and activities. It was awful to be where I was standing. However, I didn’t stop with the word “awful”. Instead of just stopping there, I tried looking on the bright side.
Having no one to clean the house
It was Tuesday when things started stressing me out. You see, my mom went to the hospital that day — for her operation. We discoved she had “Gallstones”. Gallstones usually form in the gallbladder. But they may also form anywhere there is bile. If gallstones are small, they may pass out of the gallbladder or ducts. They’re common. How do you get gallstones? They are thought to be caused by an imbalance in the chemical make-up of bile inside the gallbladder. You are prone to gallstones if you are a female who has children, if you are overwight or obese (for more information just look it up in the internet). Now, going back to my mom, it’s been so hard for me, not having her around in the house. No one was there to clean up the mess. I did my own laundry. No one was there to clean the whole house. From Tuesday night up until the whole week, we prayed the rosary — for a successful operation. That night of Tuesday, she left us (miguel and I) something to satisfy our stomach.
Trying hard to keep up
With all the works set for us, I could barely stay calm. Wednesday and Thursday were days full of surprises — long quizes, blow-by-blow discussion of the teachers, sudden group practices, vast homeworks, last-minute-submition of projects and only a few hours of sleep. One of my bestfriends said I was wasted. There were times when I embarrassed myself. I fell down the stairs for the third time, Gabby went looking for me for thirty minutes, I said words I didn’t intend to say, my teacher called me and I wasn’t able to answer properly because my mind was out of this world. Ugh! I was so tired. You know that feeling — when you could barely stay awake but then, your teacher looks at you and you’re like, trying the best you could to make you’re eyes WIDE OPEN for them not to call you. However, no matter how rough those days were, something wonderful happened that time though. I was looking at the rain while I was in kuya Mario’s van (he was my fetcher when I was still a freshmen). I thought about the “Little Prince”, the sheep drawing. I realized I was smiling, not minding the rain. As if nothing was wrong with me. The rain was just small drops of water falling down from the sullen sky.
Thank God it’s friday
Friday was a really wonderful day — stupendous rather. It’s a blessing from God in return from all the sufferings I have done throughout the week. It’s the birthday of ma’am Khris. We (Gabby, Miguel and I) were the first pupils from high-school that came early. Earlier than other teachers. I went up the faculty room to check if ma’am Khris was already there. Finding that she wasn’t there, my plan was already Perfect — put the letter, along with the chocolate and a white rose on her table without her noticing. I asked Gabby if she would accompany me to 7-eleven. I bought chocolates but there were no flowers. Ugh! I was searching for a white rose and no one was in front of the school to sell it. After I bought the chocolates, I went back to the school to get the letter inside my bag. Then, I rushed upstairs before she could even come to school. I put the letter, along with the chocolates on her table, hoping it would make things better for us. I didn’t write my name on it because I knew she’d realize it was coming from me. As the time passed, I kept wondering if she would accept all the things I’ve written in the letter. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Until, finally, it was English period. I was relieved when she spoke to me. I’m back on the road with her. She has accepted my apology.
“May the odds be ever in your favor” -thg
Have you ever felt that portentous, marvelous feeling — when you thought you were gonna lose but ended up winning? It’s one of the best feelings you can get in life. We had a book fair as our project for our subject in Filipino. We worked so hard for that project. All of us did. Our group had the lowest number of stickers. We had only ten points given to us by ma’am Khris. I was thankful when she gave us that sticker. Even though if she was the only one that gave it to us during the book fair. I’ve questioned the fact that we only got ten points however, I said to myself “If it’s meant to be, it will be”. I told God, “God, why have you given us only ten points? Why? I went home late. I slept late, just for this”. I waited a few second before I added, “If this is what we deserve, I will take it. I know you know that I’ve exerted so much effort for this project. It’s not theirs to judge but Yours”.
After our book fair, ma’am Angelica (she’s our Filipino teacher) stood in front of the whole class to congratulate us about our successful project. She was holding something. Another sticker worth fifty points, coming from ma’am May (our class adviser). Who did she address it to? Making us wait for the chosen group, ma’am Angelica asked each group the points they received. Most of them got like, above forty points. Forty! I kept laughing about the fact that we only got ten but deep inside, I felt really really really disappointed. By ma’am Angelica’s look, I said to my self, “could it be? No, it couldn’t be us”. I kept thinking about those sleepless nights. I was realizing that I was working on the projects I would only fail. Worthless. Time wasted. As I was pondering on the thought how all those efforts were tossed in the trash — ma’am Angelica announced the winner. “Group three”, she said. “Group three…group three”, I kept thinking who’s group three until my mind was focused in reality. “Group three. That’s us!”, I said to myself. My members were screaming as if they’ve never won a game. I felt this wonderful, providential feeling. I was so thankful, I could almost cry. Even faye almost did. Because we have worked so hard for that. “Almost losing” is such an astounding feeling. I felt so blessed. When I went home, I felt even more blessed because I had my mom back.
It’s Saturday. A while ago, I cleaned our house floor. Since my mom’s not allowed to work so much yet. I did some of the laundry. I did my chores. At first I was like, so tired and I kept asking myself, “Am I not happy my mom’s back?”. Of course I’m happy. My mom’s back. In a bad condition, still, she’s alive. She’s here, with all of us. “I should be glad, I’m cleaning under her supervision not without.” Only then, I felt the pleasure of doing the household-chores no matter how tired I was. I’m so blessed. “Merci God. I offer you all my sufferings”.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA’AM KHRIS! HOPE YOU HAD A NICE DAY 💙