Well this morning I woke up got into a fight with Nick and he got me pissed and Im just tired of it Im thinking of just moving out. Because im not going to deal with it because im getting sick of it and im always the b**** and i sick of it. Nick told dad that we told him that we just wanna be mad at dad when we dont wanna be. My mom and i woke up in a good mood untile he phoned dad and told him that. We didnt want that and he was lying to dad but we dont even know if dad belives us. So Im sick of it Im not some door mat you can keep walking on over and over again. Im not the type of person you can just pursh around im not a dummy. So i think It’s best if i move out matter what anyone says matter if Kyle tells me to stay because Im not going to listen to him. At this point i don’t care what he says because he cant feel my pain that i feel everyday i just wish there was some way i could tell him. But with out Kyle i would have probably killed myself already but nobody sees my pain because i hide it to well if they ask me if im hurt, sad, mad , wanna die i just smile and say Im ok and they belive it. And it better for them to belive im ok then make them upset because i can’t handle to see others in pain. If i have to be in pain to see others happy thats what I will do I can’t handle to see others in pain. I just wanna cut but i can’t or thats breaking a promise to Kyle and I don’t wanna hurt him at all. It kills me to see him in pain because I blame myself each time because I feel like its my fault. But I swear Im going to marry Kyle because I wanna be the one that he smiles at in joy for carrying his child inside of me. And I wanna be the one when he smiles when he sees that beautiful girl walking down the aisle. If I’m i hope his parents are happy on the choice he made If he does ask me to marry him. Because right now as far as I know his parents don’t want me to be with him because of my brother and what he did in the past. When can people relize that im not like my f****** siblings im far from them i have a heart most of my siblings don’t but i do and i wish people would relize that. Im not the same im far from being the same from my whole family. But people don’t see that but kyle does and Im so lucky to have him in my life I dont know what I would do with out him. He means the world to me if somone took him from me I’d be torn apart and Im guessing he can’t see me like that after caleb he seen how hurt I was and I dont think he wants too see that again. Because when I talked to him I didn’t want life I would have rather have gave up my life instead of feel the pain. Kyle knows I can’t take no more pain because i’v had to much pain in my life already. And kyle probably knows I’ll do somthing stuiped when Im in pain. Because I have before and kyle don;t want to lose me to my own pain he tries to make me happy and he does this cute face and says be happy for this face and it just melts my heart so it makes me happy. When ever Im by Kyle I feel like nothing can hurt me or hurt us It’s like nobody can destroy us when were togather. And I love that feeling every time Im by him Im so happy to be with him And I never wanna leave his arms but It’s so hard for me to leave him hes my baby my hunny bear hes my superman that takes all my pain away when Im by him. When I leave Kyle It’s like the paoin starts that min so i dont wanna leave because I know I’ll feel pain that sec I leave his side but I live with It because I know I’ll see him again maybe in a week or a couple days but that what keeps me alive knowing I’ll see him again that is what keeps me alive and from falling apart. I just wish his parents could learn to love me like he did. The first day i met Kyle i had a feeling he would be the one to swipe me off of my feet and taking me somwhere i have never been or somthing i have never felt before. I don’t know what he does or how he does It but I love it how he’s able to make me so happy. I never wanna lose him and as far as I know I’ll never lose him.

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