Being Strong in the Eyes of a Woman Who Considers It as Normal
It was easy until it is not. But it is always possible and doable.
Yesterday is International Women’s Day. Normally, I never celebrate or think highly of any celebration day other than Christmas or Easter. I never know the history behind those days that were never part of or rarely mentioned in my country in the past. Even today, I still don’t know the power of saying “Happy Int’l Women’s Day!” affects me like it affects and encourages other women.
Being strong is normality… until it is not.
Since I was a kid, being a strong girl was not a choice. It’s a must. Growing up without a man figure in life, we — all women at home — had to improvise. Watching my mother worked hard to provide me and my sister a better life, made us two hard-working girls aiming for the best at school.
So, we — or maybe just I — never knew that being strong for a girl is such a privilege. I thought, by working hard and having good grades, we could be of help to other people. So I never considered the gender gap and simply thought that everyone will appreciate the hard work we do and the result we give. I believed everyone will have the same opportunity if they have skills and work hard.
That was until a friend of mine said, “No, I would not like to be with a girl who has that good grades like her. I will feel oppressed and be stepped over because of her.”, and the other one said, “I thought you were a good girl…”— and other friends as well when we were discussing what characters they would want in a girl.
And also when I know some boys attracted to strong girls but then trying to control her (sometimes unconsciously) in a manner they will feel guilty if they do something they like or something better than the boys do.
That’s when I felt that everything I’d been working on was nearly useless. Being that strong… was actually not good and not necessarily enough.
Taking it back to normal… is not easy.
Having the thought surely affects my life. I constantly doubted myself and tried to benchmark it against other girls. If that girl is what people say good enough, then why I cannot be like her? Or, if something I do will disturb anybody, then don’t do it, don’t even say it, just say yes and everything will be fine. Et cetera, et cetera…
So, I tamed myself before anyone else did it. Because I needed that acceptance. I wanted to hear, “That’s how a girl should do. Good job!”
However, if what you do is not really what you want to do, sooner or later you will feel tired, empty, and depressed. You just don’t know the point of what you have done. Other people will be happy, but you won’t.
That’s when I stop and try to take it back to normal. Shifting the source of acceptance to myself and people who really know me. I’m cutting people I don’t really know, and try not to listen to everybody. Working hard for people who really matter and stop trying for people who are ignorant.
What being strong really is…
Acknowledging one’s strengths and weaknesses,
accepting the differences, and working to complement the weaknesses with strengths. There’s a reason why God made a man and a woman as his suitable helper/companion. This doesn’t make one less than the other. I believe the true nature of men and women is different, then why don’t we use it to its potential together?
It is not a rebellion. It is an effort to be of help.
Being a strong woman, was never an act of rebellion. If we want to rule, not because we want to tame or compete with men or anybody, but because we believe we have the ability to make a difference. That’s it, plain and simple. It’s not about gender equality. We just want to take part in making the world a better place. Why is it so hard, though?
It does not mean we do not need help.
I am not considering myself a feminist. Hell, I still don’t understand the true meaning of being a feminist. From what I can tell, there are good ones, and there are bad ones (the ones which consider being helped means being weak 🤦♀). Women still need help, well, all people actually need help.
We can compromise for sure.
I know, I know… There are a lot of bull-headed women, who don’t take no for an answer, who are not easy to talk with, who cannot compromise, etc. But, please don’t blame the gender and say, “Why is it so hard to manage you? You’re a woman!” They cannot be told to not because they are women, but because they are humans. Plain human beings who can be stubborn af and hard to deal with.
I’ve been blessed with a family and workplace that never have an issue with a strong woman who rules. But I know some women are not. So, to all those women (and men as well), I may never understand your struggle, but I stand with you. I stand for the rights of acquiring the same knowledge and the freedom to make the world a better place according to what you can do best. I know many people can let you down (sometimes it is women who let other women down), but if you have the strength to stand, then you also have the strength to run. Let’s run together! 🍻
If you have the strength to stand, then you also have the strength to run.
