Your Human Condition: One User’s Manual

Angel
Angel
Nov 5 · 5 min read

Objective

Currently, make something of yourself. However, the objective changes as you change. (Previous objectives: get married, become a paleontologist, read every book in the local library, find religious enlightenment, along with a host of unmemorable others.) Whatever your objective, it must be completed before… well, you know.

Players

You, of course! This is a one-player game.

  • Congratulations! Your game begins in a small town in New York. Your difficulty is set at female, light-skinned Black American born in the late twentieth century. Your parents threw around names like Clarissa and Charlene, but settle for naming you Angelina after your mother. In the ninth grade, you cut it down to Angel and the name sticks. During this game, you will travel to different countries, go to educational institutions and explore your world called Earth. Maybe you’ll do more fantastic things. Maybe you’ll live in a cardboard box. Who knows?
Image by VanDulti from Pixabay

Your Stats (subject to change):

Age: 25 5/6
Height: 5’4”
HP: 100/100
Attack: 5
Defense: 3
Speed: -7
Magic: 10
Ability: Writer’s Block
(Magical Shield)

Party Members

Thankfully, you have Party Members to see you through the difficulties. Of course, we wouldn’t make you go alone! Or maybe we would — sometimes it goes that way. There are three types of Party Members — Active Party Members, Ex-Party Members and Inactive Party Members. We’ve listed a few Active Party Members and included sections explaining the rest. Please note that at times, some of your Party will only be contactable by Cellular Phone (see the Items section). Data rates subject to change.

Mom and Dad: These folks helped start your game! Also known as your Mother and Father. Dad currently offers words of Advice on in-game plants and herbs that may benefit (or slightly poison) you — his current obsession. Mom comforts you, gives Advice, and always asks for help with her Cellular Phone (see Items section). When these Party Members are in range, bonus +50% Happiness, +50% Family.

Best Friends: Best friends — exactly what it says on the tin. +70% good times. Whenever these party members are in range, +50% Happiness. You can always depend on them for Anime Nerd Times, Doing Weird Stuff at the Mall, High School and College Memories, and Losing at Minigames, like Pokémon or Mario Party. It’s okay to be a loser.

About Ex-Party Members: Some Party Members’ game progress will not align with your own, and the Party will either naturally disband, or disbanding will be forced by either you or the other Member. Your Ex-Party Members will continue to play their game, while you will continue with yours. Through this, you will learn to choose better Party Members or how to become a better Party Member. Ex-Party Members may rejoin your Party at later points. As your Father says: “You never know who you’re gonna have to ask for a glass of water.”

About Inactive Party Members: Inactive Party Members are inaccessible by Cellular Phone, or any other known communication method. Therefore, they cannot rejoin your Party. They are Players whose games have ended, but the Memories of their lives and their relationship with you will never change. They include Grandparents, Friends, Church Members, Neighbors and Co-Workers. Keep in mind that all Party Members will become inactive when their Life count drops to zero. Cherish your Party Members and create new ones often.

Image by Andrian Valeanu from Pixabay

Items

Always useful when you’re in a pinch! There are many Items in the world, most of which can be purchased with in-game currency. These are just three of the pertinent ones in your current stage of gameplay. You and your useful items will change over time and the Age of your character.

Cell Phone: Able to contact faraway Party Members. The downside is they’re not in-range, but hearing their voices always makes you feel at home. +10 Communication.

Wallet: Stores Cash and allows purchase of in-game items. Beware! You may run out of Cash if you don’t seek employment. Many say the Wallet is the most important item in the game. However, it will not go with you after your game has ended.

Refrigerator and Cabinets: Carries food items, purchasable with Cash. Food items give a wide array of Nutrition and Calories to your character. Beware! Spoiled food has a 20% possibility of ending your game. Also, unhealthy food gives +1% Mood, but can also reduce the amount of Turns in the endgame. It’s best to enjoy everything in moderation.

Bed: A comfortable sleeping area where you can review the day’s Turn and Past Turns. Or, you can just sleep to fast-travel to the next Turn. Slow-traveling between Turns will dramatically reduce the quality of the next Turn. If you slow-travel through too many Turns without sleep, your game could end. You have a 1% chance of encountering Inactive Party Members in Dreams and Memories here. Beware, though: sleeping on the Loose Spring adds +1% Pain on your Next Turn. Not every Player has access to this item, though, so be thankful.

Gameplay

You were blessed with only one Life. Each day, you are given only one Turn. These Turns can never be repeated, only reviewed in the confines of your Dreams and Memories. You have a choice what you do with your Turns. For example, today, you decided to sit down and write this guide. Tomorrow, you might decide to get donuts with your friends. Endless possibilities await you. However, no one knows the number of Turns you’ll have. With every day you get a new Turn, you should be thankful. Many have run out of Turns unsuspectedly and wish they could have more. Be thankful for the ones you have.

When you are out of Turns, your Life count drops to zero, your game ceases to exist, and your character will Perish. Post-game content is currently up for debate. Dependent upon your beliefs, a Moderator may decide if you win or lose and cast you to another dimension accordingly. Some believe that in the end, the game will be totally reset by the Moderator — in that event, all save progress will be permanently erased and your game will begin again with a different Character. Others believe that your character will be inducted into a Hall of Fame, a Hall of Infamy, or a General Hall In The Middle, depending on your final score. And yet, others believe the game is over when it’s over. All we know presently is that the screen goes black, and your game cannot continue. You can only hope that people will remember the game you played. Hopefully, you will do something that they remember. Maybe you won’t. You won’t know until the game is over, and by then, it won’t matter. It’s quite cliché, but the game is about playing. It’s like your Mother always says: “It’s not how you die, but how you live.”

Angel

Written by

Angel

some weirdo writer. @angel.lungs on Instagram & Poetizer. @angel_lungs on Twitter

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