I had an accident today. Its funny, ever since i was a little girl , i was told that at the moment of death, your life flashes before your eyes, so I’d already imagined my 15 second flash, a “perfect” flash of my 90 plus years on earth: the proud eyes of my parents looking up at me on my graduation day, the hand of my fiance holding me on a beach with a glistening rock on my finger like you see on those cute Instagram posts, the smell of my newborns hair the moment the nurse puts him in my arms with the rush of oxytocin in my brain telling me I’ll die for this little one and I’ll kill as well, buying a house close to the beach and raising a family with 2 dogs 1 cat and 5 rabbits, having my 50th wedding anniversary with a table full of grandchildren and being thankful for a wonderful life. That’s what i thought would happen….. but it didn’t.
Maybe cus i wasn’t 90 plus, or maybe cus i didn’t expect to die yet, especially not today, cus you see today was a perfect day. The sky was blue, there was no traffic, I’d had chicken and red velvet cake, and a glass of grape wine was waiting for me back at home,in my life right now, today was a pretty perfect day, until . ..
The crowd blamed the okada man, and i was too weak to shout, i could only whisper “it it wasn’t him,it was the old man”, but my whispers were only heard by me, and the old man was long gone, lost in the crowd, probably had joined the crowd to lynch the okada man.
I saw a car tire at my neck today, inches away from crushing my vertebrae, i carried the weight of a man and a motorcycle on my legs today, i didn’t feel it till an hour later though, so that’s what adrenaline feels like huh, I experienced human compassion today, the rallying around of total strangers to help a bleeding human, but most importantly I felt the desperation of the human spirit to live, I could hear my soul screaming from the abyss if it’s pandoras box “ help me, i don’t want to die, I want to live", and something or someone in the universe must have heard me, because here i am, 3 cuts and a million tears later at 1:55am writing this.
Maybe the flash will come when I’m 90 plus and maybe it won’t, i don’t know and to be honest i don’t care, I’m gonna do what my soul said.
I’m gonna live….
— Yinkore Angel