“I was afraid I wasn’t going to like her”

When my husband and I got the news that our daughter was going to be born with Down syndrome, naturally the first people I went to were my mom and sisters. I wasn’t sure how they’d react, I wasn’t even sure how I felt yet.
My sisters' and mom’s first reactions were excitement. They were cheerful, happy. They told me they were so excited to meet Daisy and to not worry because we have this.
They didn’t tell me “you”, they told me “we” have this.
They were wonderful and so reassuring. There were times I struggled with it, I wondered how they could be so excited. I thought “oh, probably because this is not happening to them, its happening to me.”
It didn’t surprise me when not long after the baby was born my sister confessed that she would have terminated (yes this is an option, and when the doctor offered it to me she said it as though she didn’t want to ask, but was obligated to). My sister had a really rough last pregnancy. She dealt with depression during the pregnancy, and that can bring some really dark thoughts. It did, however, take me by surprise when she told me “I was afraid I wasn’t going to like her”. None of my support people ever showed an emotion like this, not even once. They were always excited for me.
This is when it hit me. I wasn’t alone in this journey, which I already knew, but what I didn’t realize was that I had never been alone in this journey. Of course my sister wouldn’t have mentioned this in the beginning, it wasn’t her job to add to my worries and fears. It was her job to support me, to tell me everything was going to be fine, and to be excited for me. What I had failed to realize all those months before is that this wasn’t happening to just me, it was happening to my support group too. They didn’t know what to expect either. They had fears. They didn’t know how to react. All they knew is that we were having a baby, and when people have babies we celebrate. We Celebrate.
Jacks Basket is a nonprofit dedicated to celebrating babies who are born with Down syndrome. They deliver beautiful baskets filled with things like books for parents and babies, blankets, onesies, baby toys, booties, and resource contacts. They want to make sure every baby born with Down syndrome is celebrated just as any other baby would be. They also like to take a picture of the adorable babies and post it with #youmakemebetter.
My sister has formed a most wonderful bond with Daisy (and not just because they look alike and both have RBF, for real this baby always looks angry until you get a smile out of her, and she rarely lets you get it on camera). Every night when I get to my mom’s to pick the kids up, Daisy is stealing cuddles from my sister (or vice versa?). My sister says Daisy has magic healing powers. Her cuddles and smiles can make almost anything disappear. She makes it better, she makes us better (I know, Jack’s Basket means she makes us better people, yes she does that too). My sister has also told me that she felt bad about thinking that she might not like Daisy because now she can’t imagine life without her. She feels that this baby is the perfect addition to our family. My sister says she feels “lucky [Daisy] knows only unconditional love”.
I feel so blessed that my support people are the kind of people that “went through this” with me, and I’m excited that this journey is going to be shared with them. The only thing better than having great people is having a little someone that makes them even better.

