Do we grow independent children?

Angela Srezoska
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read

Many see children as individuals who do not understand anything, which should be protected from bad news, who do not have their own identity, their limits, their own needs. However, many studies confirm the opposite.

Some time ago, I discussed with my colleague about the different parenting styles applied here in the Netherlands and in her country (Italy). She came from Italy 10 years ago to work as a babysitter and she was explaining one of the many cultural shock situations that she experienced at that time: “It was Saturday, the mother from the children I was taking care of came home and asked me to bring her 4 year-old daughter so they could talk. After the little girl ran to her, the mother hugged her firmly, sat down with her, and said that she had sad news to share with her: “Grandma is not with us anymore. Today, she decided to leave us because she did not have more strength, but she told me to tell you she loves you very much”. The girl began to cry, the mother approached her and said: “Everything is going to be fine, darling. I understand your anxiety. It’s normal to be sad. The funeral is scheduled for tomorrow. Take your time and prepare to see your grandmother. If you need to talk or anything else, I’m here”.

At that time, my colleague thought that the mother was cruel as she decided to share this news with her 4 year-old daughter. In her thoughts, she was only 4 years old, she was just a child, why she must know that her grandmother died, why they would take her to the funeral with them? Discussing this situation together, we came to the conclusion that many people in the communities where we grew up would think the same. But today she is happy to have had the chance to see another way of upbringing. She had the opportunity to see how a mother treats her 4 year-old child with respect by sharing something like this to teach her child how to face good and bad news, to teach that all emotions should be expressed.

“In order to grow a lifelong learner who at twenty-four years old will be ready to assume responsibility to others, to be productive citizens, capable of contributing to society and eventually to become a parent himself, our method of parenting should be based on formal education combined with love. ” — says Paula Lillard and Lynn Jessen, authors of the book Montessori from the Start.

I still do not have children, but I’m starting to explore different ways, methods, and practical experiences from other parents that I can use in the future. Things like: what is the appropriate age to include the kids in daily life decisions, how to get rid of the clutter and set up beautiful spaces according to their age; how to get kids to cooperate ; how to bring calmness back into the home and lots of other topics.

Considering that I would like to bring this topic closer to others, I have decided to share with you my research. I let you decide what can help you and what can’t. After all, each child represents a new opportunity, a new generation. A lot of research follow the motto: No matter what method of parenting you use, you should always treat children as individuals who deserve to be respected, individuals with their own identity.

I believe that it is never too late to learn / apply something new, something that will contribute to raise an independent and responsible child. In the end, this is what every parent wants for his child.

I believe that it is never too late to learn and apply something new, something that will contribute to raise an independent and responsible child. In the end, this is what every parent wants.

What are your experiences? How do you handle your discomforts/ challenges?

Happy Parenting!