How to start believing in yourself
We don’t believe in ourselves due to the many false beliefs we carry and live with. These false beliefs run deep since they are tied to our story, the shit we went through, the events that happened, how we were treated and raised, the abuse, the heartbreak, and what we told ourselves and tell ourselves today (whether conscious of it or not).
As we start to dissolve these false beliefs, we start to believe more and more in ourselves, our worth, and what’s possible. Our internal lenses change. We start to get very curious about what we can do, who we can be with, and what we can build. This process is our evolution. It’s our birthright. It’s in our DNA. Because we’re not designed to stagnate creatures. We are meant to change, evolve, and transform until we die. We can change our bodies. We can change our hearts. We can change our thinking. We can change our lives. Not once. But as many times as we wish.
But one of the greatest things that stop us is our beliefs.
If you have the ability to do something but you don’t believe you can, you won’t.
Also,
If you don’t have the ability to do something but you believe you can, you eventually will. Not on belief alone but that belief becomes the engine that produces hard work and determination. You learn. You practice. You fail. You get back up. Because you believe. You adjust. And eventually turn your belief into a reality. People do it everyday.
So how do we start dissolving our false beliefs so we can lead our lives with new beliefs that will turn our visions into reality?
Everything starts with awareness. So first you must be aware of what your false beliefs are. Here are some common ones. I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not loveable.
(When I’m coaching someone, I examine their beliefs about self and try to uncover their false beliefs)
Take the example I’m not loveable. If this is your belief, how do you think that will play out in your thoughts and behavior- life? You may sabotage relationships. You may settle for abuse in your relationships. You may only be with people who treat you poorly. You may treat yourself poorly. You may do things that you don’t want to do or go against your truth to receive love. You may cope by feeding your addictions. You may live other people’s truths instead of yours because you seek “love”. Our false beliefs play out differently according to the individual and her story.
As you make decisions based on your false beliefs, you create patterns that cement those beliefs. So basically, your life just becomes repeated patterns of faulty thinking and beliefs about yourself that are not true, which create ceilings. You limit yourself and potential. You become grayed out and unhappy.
So how do we dissolve our false beliefs?
Once you’re aware of them, yes mantras and starving those negative thoughts every day. And yes, meditation, positive self-talk, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness, and visualization where you focus on actually feeling what you see. And yes to many more tools and techniques that you can research on the internet, from talk therapy to energy work.
BUT THERE’S NOTHING MORE CONVINCING THAN A NEW EXPERIENCE
That’s where new beliefs live.
And old ones die.
The moment you get your first muscle up. The moment she kisses you back. The moment your business makes a profit. The moment your company goes public. The moment you stand on the surfboard. The moment you get your first check as a paid writer. The moment you lift a weight you didn’t think you could. The moment someone treats you like you matter.
To start dissolving your false beliefs, you have to start giving yourself new experiences. And THIS is what life’s about. Not chasing money and things but constantly setting yourself up for new experiences that will change your beliefs, definitions, and perspective. Because in that change, new life lives. Expansion lives. Your potential lives. And of course, money and things will come with that.
What if this wasn’t just a way of thinking or “treatment” but actually a lifestyle? What if setting yourself up for new experiences was your new daily north?
It doesn’t matter how big or small the experience is. What matters is the meaning behind the experience and how it’s tied to your story and beliefs about yourself. An experience can change just based on a new definition or by simply stripping judgment. What would your life look like if you ran toward new experiences instead of chasing things?
Look, no one’s going to come knocking on your door and help you give you that experience.
You have to give it to yourself. If you want to change your life, you have to change your beliefs and if you want to change your beliefs, you have to give yourself some new fucking experiences. Exclamation mark.
Here are four tips that may help.
RUN FASTER THAN FEAR
This is usually the first and greatest wall. We are all afraid, mostly of failure and what others may think of us. Fear is not always a bad thing. It can be used as emotional color dye so you know what you need to start leaning into.
Instead of conquering your fear, run faster than it. Put the cart before the horse. Pull the trigger on things before fear sets in. According to Mel Robbins, we have five seconds after our raw urge and instinct to do something before fear leaks in and prevents us. Take the first step before those five seconds.
If you tell yourself your job on this planet is to give yourself new experiences in order to grow, evolve, stretch and live closer to your potential, and give back to the world, you may have the motivation to run faster than fear. And fear will start to be only what you see in your rearview.
FEEL IT
You doubt because you haven’t had the experience. You don’t know that possibility exists. Visualize that experience and get obsessed with that vision. Don’t only see it but feel it in your bones as if it has already happened like you’re replaying a memory. Visualize often and feel it until you do everything you can to make it a reality. Attract that shit.
LET GO OF YOUR DEFINITIONS
We limit ourselves because we live with old definitions, about love, life, people, good, bad, many that were created by society, friends, parents, and billboards. If we take the judgment out of our definitions and leave space for new ones, we also create room for new experiences. Because we are actually open to them. When we hold on to our definitions tightly, which most of us do, mostly because we tie our worth to them, we leave very little room for anything new. Clear your canvas. Know that you don’t know. And that’s a good thing because when you think you know, you stop expanding. If you are open to new definitions or redefining everything, your world will instantly expand what’s possible will be limitless.
GET VERY CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO
Instead of feeding what you can not do, and the odds of something actually happening, start getting very curious about what you can. There is enormous power in curiosity. You only have this life this way. You may come back a fucking tree. Take advantage of your opportunity to explore and taste everything this life has to offer. Start living out you're what ifs.
- Angry
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