It changes everything
I recently posted “When you believe you’re worth something, the universe moves.” I believe this with every fiber of my being. The internal shift that happens when one is convinced of their value and unique gifts, changes every. single. thing.
Your belief produces a be-ing that attracts people and opportunities, setting you up for new experiences that will continue to shift your thinking instead of limit you with mental ceilings and false beliefs.
Instead of sucking energy and getting caught into vicious negative thought patterns that dilute your being, strip your soul, and smash your dreams, you begin to generate energy that punctures space and grabs stars.
I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it another two thousand. Everything ends or begins with your beliefs. What you believe will determine where you will go. Throughout you life, you’ve read and seen what is possible. People can pretty much do anything. But you don’t believe that’s possible for you. Good things only happen to others. That’s because you haven’t experienced them and you haven’t experienced them because you don’t believe you can, and you maybe don’t believe you can because you don’t believe you have worth. If you don’t believe you have value, you’ll never live a meaningful life. You will merely exist.
So the question is how do you believe you’re worth more?
Worth is not something you believe. It’s something you build. Read that sentence again because most people think they either believe or don’t. They don’t understand that they can build their worth. Or in my words, reworth yourself. We do this by creating new experiences → shifts beliefs → more new experiences → new beliefs.
Most of us have been cut at the knees at one time or another which has dropped our value. Or at least we believe that. We had to start over. We went through some sort of internal collapse. We lost businesses, marriages, friendships, and we tie all that to our worth so the external events that happen in our lives fuck up our internal beliefs about ourselves.
And it’s going to happen again. That’s what life is about. Obstacles and challanges. Constantly coming at us like waves in the ocean. But we can learn how to ride them instead of drowning in them. And sometimes, we catch the wave. Other times, we fall. But if we keep believing we have value, we will never drown. And I say “keep believing” because believing you have worth is a process. It’s not just a decision or a one time thing. We have to constantly reworth ourselves. For me, it’s a way of living.
Let’s break it down.
The first step is connection.
I always tell people that growth is sometimes more about a reunion than anything else. A reunion to self, parts of you you have stuffed into a hope chest when life happened, when you had to “grow up”. Most of us live disconnected with ourselves. We live in a chasing state and exchange who we truly are for approval and validation. To fit in. To impress others. To feel valuable. But that’s not internal value. That’s an external value. Internal worth is not contingent on what others think of you. Internal value hangs on what you think about yourself.
The call to action here is to allow yourself to be truly and uniquely you. It’s that simple. Not easy, but also not complicated. And by doing so, you will start connecting with yourself. Get comfortable with yourself. Like yourself. Trust yourself. I talk a lot about our Solid (true) and Pseudo ((false) Self. Connecting to you means to pull from your Solid, daily. As much as you can because depending on your enviornment and who you’re around, your tug will fluctuate. At times, it will be easy. And at times, it will feel impossible. So you practice it as if it’s a daily exercise and the more you do it, easier it becomes to pull from your Solid Self.
This means keeping promises you made to yourself. This means disengaging in toxic relationships that puncture your self worth. This means getting out of shitty jobs that gray you out. This means standing on your truth at the risk of push back from people you care about and seek approval from. This means being okay with not being okay. Until you are okay. And realizing your world did not collapse. People still love you.
The way you connect to yourself is different for everyone. But I believe it takes a daily ritual. A practice. Like meditation. Like fitness. Like breakfast. Because we are always connecting and disconnecting with ourselves, even if it’s subtle. The more connected we are to our true selves, the more worth we will build.
Here are some things I do.
Put as much distance as you can between you and your thoughts. Our thinking can drown us pretty fast. The way you do it is up to you. Most people meditate and practice mindfulness. Focus on breath. Allow thoughts to come and go without attaching to them. Be as present as you can. Again, this is a daily practice. As you create this distance, you create soil, a rich soil that will ground you. And as you ground yourself, you can start to really be aware of how you feel and where things are coming from. You can separate what’s yours and your truth and what’s not. Then you can start connecting and honoring you. Give yourself permission to be. This may be uncomfortable for many since we judge ourselves constantly.
Another way to connect to you is through an activity. For example, yoga. Art. Music. Cooking. For me, it’s fitness and riding motorcycles. Something you enjoy doing that puts you into a flow state, where you lose track of time because you’re so immersed in the activity. Athletes tap into this state often. This process allows you to connect to you. You become very potent in this state. It doesn’t matter what the activity is. As long as it’s honest to you and you enjoy it fully.
This is why I keep saying “seek nectar”. Fill your day with as much of this as possible so you are experiencing a lot of flow. It’s really hard to worry and think about the future when you are in flow. Also, it doesn’t have to only be leisure activities. You can tap into flow at work, as long as you enjoy what you do. You can hit flow states while doing anything creative.
Here’s another way to connect to yourself. Fulfill your needs. We all have basic needs we need to fulfill. Because of life, we forgot to fulfill them and when we don’t, we can start to feel disconnected to ourselves. Here are a few basic needs.
Your need to express yourself. To be heard.
Your need to be creative. Use your right brain.
Your need to feel sexy. We are sexual beings.
Your need to move. To connect with your body.
Your need to feel connected to something greater than ourselves. We are spiritual beings.
Passion / purpose need.
Your need to feel you are on this planet for a reason. Because you are.
How are you fulfilling these needs? Not once but daily. Fulfilling these needs creates bridges to yourself.
Get very curious. About everything. Especially who you’re becoming and what you can do. What’s happening around you and why. The role the people in your life are supposed to play, the events that happen and what you’re supposed to learn from them. How many people you can impact. Get curious about new defintions and what new expereinces would feel like. Get super curious. Because there is power in being curiosity. It squashes judgment. Judgment keeps you narrow and stunted. Curiosity expands you. This expanding is a form of connecting to yourself.
Accept your story
So many of us want to rip out chapters. Everytime we try to erase what happened, we line our story with shame and guilt. Yes, a lot of bad has a happened. I’m a therapist. I’ve heard some crazy shit. We all have our stories. Many of us shouldn’t even be alive. But we are, which just makes our stories more beautiful. I know it may not feel like it but all parts of your story are important and meaningful. The events in our lives are like dominos. They need to happen in order to keep our stories moving foward and our purpose gets a punch.
It’s extremely difficult to accept what’s happening when you’re in the trenches. So you have to trust. You do that by looking back and connecting dots. You have to make sense of your story. Realize why things happened the way they did.
Know this: Every amazing story has an inciding incident, some event that throws our hero into the unknown. Every amazing story has turning points and act breaks and things that we didn’t see coming. The protagonist is faced with obstances and challenges in order for her to enter her journey and come back to the village changed. So she could share her story with others. Without these things, there is no story. This is not in books and movies. This is true for our lives as well. As you face hardships and slay your dragons, you become. You evolve. You find your cape.
Stop making it about you. Our value isn’t just about connecting with ourselves. It’s about connecting with others and the world. We are all connected in that way. When we use too many “I’s” in our sentences, we start to disconnect with ourselves and whenever we disconnect, we lose worth.
We all have unique gifts to share with the world. To serve means to discover those gifts, hone them, and share them with the world. To throw your stone. As far as you can. That is your job. Your responsibilty as a human being on this planet. The process of that creates value in you.
Reworth yourself by connecting to yourself, getting curious about what’s possible, accepting your story, and sharing our gifts with the world by serving.
Then the universe will move for you.
You will start to appear.
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