If Reindeer Wrote JavaScript

Angus Croll

A Visit from St. Nicholas is a poem written by Clement Clarke Moore in 1823. You might know it from the opening line: “Twas the Night before Christmas”. Anyway, it’s pretty bad. The meter is awkward and the sentiment cheesy.

As a service, here’s an all-new, saccharin-free version of the poem, written from the perspective of a worry-worn JavaScript developer on the eve of the big release.

’Twas the night before Launch Day, and all thro’ the house
Not a keyboard was stirring, no trackpad or mouse;
The branches committed, each package declared,
All sources deployed and the README prepared;
The code fully linted, the test suites created,
Dependencies synced and the Shrinkwrap updated;
The work all complete, I slid into a nap,
And while I was dozing, I dreamt of the app —
When, there from my phone there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter;
“Support” said the voice, and before we had spoken,
I knew why they’d called me — the app was quite broken;
I frantically probed at the cause of the crash
(“Did they refresh the page? Did they empty the cache?”)
Growing more desperate and racked by confusion,
I looked to the skies as I craved resolution;
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer;
With no moment to lose, they swung into action,
As two-at-a-time they pursued the infraction;
With Dasher and Dancer examining traces,
Comet and Cupid set to balancing braces;
Prancer and Vixen combed source code for nits,
While Donner and Blitzen bisected commits;
Before very long they’d discovered the glitch
(I’d forgotten a `break` and so fell through the `switch`)
Then, working together, a patch was submitted,
The code was accepted, solution commited;
Before I could thank them, the reindeer were gone,
(all that remained were their tracks on the lawn);
But I heard them exclaim, as they flew out of sight —
“You can whine about Crockford, but sometimes he’s right!”

All of which is a long winded way of saying: this holiday season give your loved ones the book they’ve been craving. Happy Holidays!

Angus Croll

Written by

Literature fanatic. JavaScript developer. Author of "If Hemingway Wrote JavaScript" https://anguscroll.com/hemingway

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